Frozen's struggles. Theater's truths.

Since dating and marrying a Theater Director/Teacher extraordinaire, my world has expanded quite significantly. For example, I now listen to show critiques. What’s that you say? My husband should shower me with gifts and appreciation for being the best wife ever? That’s so sweet! I’ll be sure to pass that along to him.

In this particular case, the suggestion was given for the show to adjust the lighting in two particular scenes so that we (the audience) could better “see the struggle” in the heroin’s facial expressions as she debated between life-changing choices.

That suggestion struck me as intriguing but I couldn’t quite figure out why until the next day.  I finally realized it was odd because in “real life” we adopt the opposite motto. In Frozen for example, Elsa’s father says the phrase that we all seem to adopt in hard times “Conceal, don’t feel.” Isn’t that our natural instinct girls? When we are in difficult situations, when we are overwhelmed, or when we are making life-changing decisions, how many times have we told ourselves “conceal, don’t feel”… maybe in different words, but the same message. In Frozen, it’s easy for us to see how that motto devastates Elsa, but in “real” life, in our own lives, we are so easily trapped by the same thinking. Elsa reacts as most teenage girls… and many times young women…or married women…or older women do. Elsa withdraws. She learns to hide the pain.  When she reappears, she’s guarded. And finally, after one last hurt, she runs. 

Can we really blame her? How many times have I been hurt or scared and I pull back from someone, afraid that they will reject me? Afraid that they’ll find me weird, strange, or beyond “repair”? So I bury the thoughts. I bury the pain. And when I finally am able to “show my face” again, it’s a new side. One that’s guarded and cautious, afraid to be vulnerable and free. We think the more we hold ourselves together and present a “good face”; the better it will be for everyone involved. Why else do we answer “Nothing.” when our husbands/fathers/boyfriends/guy friends ask us “What’s wrong?”  (Is that really the best for everyone involved???) And if I start to crack, if my “good face” starts to show real fear, I flee. I run from the person. I avoid the situation. I keep up appearances by whatever means necessary.

 Ever been told “It just seems like you have it all together”?  

The more I live, the more I believe that when people think you "have it all together", that's one of the hardest places to be. Because instead of actually having it all together, sometimes, you are just one step away from running. But you can't tell anyone that.... because you "have it all together."

Concealing, not feeling, creates its own prison. One of expectations and pride.

So when we are in that place, what is the answer? Is it to Let it go and storm down ice and snow, covering the neighborhood in a winter snow storm?

No. Sorry girls. Don’t let it go… at least not in that way…

I go back to that piece of advice given by the theater judge. Let people “see the struggle.”  Now, I’m not saying we need to list all of our issues on Facebook and let people vote on how you should best handle them. Don’t call in to the radio station and let your family and friends know that you’re flunking out of college by sobbing to the dj about your failures at A&M. I’m not even saying to tell your community group that you need “prayer” for ______________ and then 30 minutes later, you’ve convinced yourself and everyone else that you’re cray-cray! (Crazy for those of us older the age of 18).

Let it go by going to that friend, or that small group, the one who has walked with you through life’s ups and downs, that is trustworthy, godly, and wise, and confide in them and let them encourage you and build you up… just as you are doing with them.. 1 Thessalonians 5:11

After all… Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work:  If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up! Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 

 

 

Don’t feel the need to conceal your feelings, but find the freedom to
be honest in a wise and appropriate manner.

Every day of our life will not be filled with singing snowmen and beautiful ice sculptures. Some days will be filled with fear, loneliness, decisions, and hardships. Life is not made to be concealed nor is it to be endured alone. Tears of happiness and tears of joy are better shed with another by our side. Both the ups and downs can bring you closer to Christ and closer to friends, but it’s our decision to let them.

 

Share each other’s troubles and problems, and so obey our Lord’s command. Gal. 6:2

 

 

And smile...just because it's Olaf.

Oh My. Junior High.

I can’t thank everyone enough for their outpouring of support and encouragement after I posted last week about Everyday Boldness!  You all supported and encouraged me to pursue this dream, and thank you for all of your kind words, thoughts, prayers and Facebook shares! I am eternally grateful!

With that in mind, I wanted to somehow “repay” you by writing this brilliant post that will make each of you laugh and cry, while helping you navigate whatever circumstance you are in the middle of…all while helping you have the happiest day you could imagine. As great as that sounds, it’s also impossible for me…. So, sorry folks. You’re on your own for finding brilliant blogs that will accomplish that. 

This past week I had a little bit of a break from normalcy because I spent several days with a group of junior high students on a mission trip. There were 3 leaders and 15 students. We all took away some life lessons from the week, but mine might be a little different than the students.

1. There’s a definite truth behind the stereotype that junior high boys smell. They do.

On the first night there, before we had even spent one night, I walked past the boys’ room and literally gasped…. And then went into a coughing spasm. I had never smelled a stench like that, much less inhaled it. 

The next day I bought the male leader a bottle of Febreeze because I honestly didn’t think he would survive the trip while breathing that air all night.

We went through an ENTIRE bottle in 4 days. And it still wasn’t enough. Not even close.

2.  Sugar should be banned until the age of 16.

I already had seen evidence of this, but this trip confirmed it without question. Sugar should be illegal for anyone under the age of 16.

I saw changes, heard noises, and watched transformations that I would not have believed possible if I hadn’t seen them for myself.  Sugar changes junior high students. In ways that you can’t even imagine.

Start a petition. Call your congressman. Do whatever it takes. Keep sugar away from pre-teens. It’s the only way to save our nation.

3.  Don’t ask junior high girls for help with directions.

Some of you read this and probably thought- “Holly, you really should have known that before now.” And I would say to you that is true, but some things you just got to learn the hard way I suppose.

The first day of the trip, I had stopped to get the lunch for our group. As we were leaving, I started backing out of the restaurant parking lot.  I asked one of the girls sitting in the back seat of my rental SUV to look and tell me if I was getting too close to the car behind me. She turned around and yelled “No, you’re fine. You have room.”

The other girl in the backseat piped up “You have room before you hit the car, but you don’t have much room before you hit the man on the ground.”

Brakes slammed. WHAT?! Evidently the owner of the car was lying on the ground in front of it looking at something under his car.

When I asked why in the world the first girl didn’t say anything, she responded with…. “You just asked me if there was room before the car….”

She was fired from offering any input the rest of the trip. And to clarify- I did not run over anyone through the duration of the trip.

 But, I must admit- despite all the hilariousness and weirdness of 7^th and 8^th grade, there’s something special at that age as well. There was something that I think all three of us “grown-ups” would agree on… these kids knew how to enjoy themselves.

4. EnJoY LiFe.

It’s okay to ask questions.

As we get older, the peer pressure becomes so much greater to “have it all together.” To ask a question is to risk being vulnerable, to show that you don’t know everything…. And yet, there is freedom in that. There is freedom in honesty.

These girls asked questions. They didn’t know everything, so they just asked. Sometimes they asked the same question every single day…..again, and again, and again…. But, they still asked. Even if they didn’t like the answer, it still enabled them to follow the instructions, or change their plans so they could do it correctly.

How many times have I made something so much harder than it needs to be because I was afraid to ask? Afraid to admit I didn’t know? Scared to be vulnerable? Afraid I have to change my plans?

When is the last time I asked a question?

Call your parents.

We collected their phones at the beginning of the trip, so they could focus on the trip and not on social media. But you know what? They still wanted to call their parents and tell them everything. 

It was sweet to hear bits and pieces of conversations from girls talking to their parents, and when their parents arrived to pick them up on Sunday, I heard “Mom!” coming from all directions.

Moms will always be moms to their girls. They will always appreciate a phone call, no matter how old you might be.

Embrace Excitement

We surprised the kids with a tour of the Dallas Stadium on the way home from the mission trip. We were a bit unsure if the kids would think it was cool, but we were really hoping they would enjoy it. The group loved it… and they showed it! Sometimes they showed it a bit too much, but I was reminded how different it is traveling with pre-teens and young teenagers. They exude excitement. They breathe it in and shout it out. And despite the exhaustion that means when you’re the chaperone, there’s always something refreshing about it.

 Little things will bring me great joy if only I will let them. I’m the first to admit I usually see negative before positive, but being with these kids, I was reminded that as children, life is fun. It’s full of joy and laughter.  I know that as we grow older, the weight and responsibilities of life change that for most of us. But when we are given opportunities of having fun, of being excited, why not embrace it? Why not soak it in?

 So tonight, when I meet up with my girlfriends, I’m going to laugh. I’m going to smile. I’m going to be excited that I get to spend a couple hours with some girls who I care about. 

 

As I start a new week back at home, a new week of “normalcy” I can’t help but think :

I wonder who I should contact about getting a law passed to up the “sugar age”…. Oh and…I should enjoy my life today.

 

So that’s my goal after spending 5 days with junior highers- to laugh more today than I did yesterday.... Proverbs does say after all… “A merry heart is good medicine…”

So, in this one area, to become a little bit more like a 7^th grader and a little less like a “grown-up”.  

 

Announcing!!!

Drum Roll please:

I have a big announcement to make!

NO, I’m not pregnant. I’m sure many of you were hoping for the opposite, but sorry folks- cute Brown babies are on a wait list. So, please regroup your thoughts, and when you’re ready, continue on reading.

And the Announcement is:

 I am launching my own website as a Christian speaker for women of all ages.

Wait. What? 

Please allow me to explain…

Years ago, while in college, one of my mentors asked me what my dream job was. That day was the first time I told someone my dream, the dream of being a Christian speaker for women of all ages. It seemed so impossible, and yet, God had given me a passion for teaching, and so I told my mentor that afternoon: “I want to use that gift to help spread God’s truth to women all over. I want to be a speaker.”

When I became a Girls Minister, I was able to live out part of that dream every day. But the other part of my dream job still existed, and I hoped and prayed it would come to fulfillment one day.

Recently, God has been stirring my heart to begin pursuing the other half of that dream. This has been something that has been prayed over by Aaron and I, along with several close friends and mentors (To clarify, in case anyone was confused, no I’m not leaving Sagemont, this is in addition to my ministry with the Sagemont Girls.)

Initially when God started impressing on my heart that now was the time to pursue the other half of my dream, I pushed it away thinking, I can’t pursue that dream yet. That’s not really achievable.

And then through conversations with my husband, and time spent in the Word of God, I began to be convicted. I teach my girls that nothing is impossible with God and that their youth is something that God can and will use if they will let him. Yet, when I was faced with pursuing an “impossible” dream before I even turn 30, that seemed like a whole different scenario.  It’s not that God couldn’t open the door, I was just convinced, He wasn’t going to.

Well that was dumb. Don’t convince yourself what God will and won’t do. You end up looking like the fool.  God’s plans are not our plans, neither are His ways our ways. So many times, I referenced that verse when I was faced with a disappointment, but this year, God challenged me to believe that verse when faced with a potential excitement!! God might be dreaming something bigger than I had allowed myself to at this moment in my life.

So, as my husband so eloquently put it:

“I began to allow myself to dream again.” 

To believe that dreams don’t end after college. Nor with your first job in your chosen career path. Nor with your age- whatever it might be.

So, as scary as it could be. As exciting as I hope it to be, I am allowing myself to dream again. To follow the path that God is opening doors for, and to see what He would like to do with me as I walk through them.

My website is www.everydayboldness.com  and my Facebook page is https://www.facebook.com/EverydayBoldness. 

This is honestly hard for me to ask of you, but please visit my website, and then, share this blog, or my websites with friends and family, with pastors or youth pastors, or anyone who might be interested in a Women’s or Girls’ Speaker. I don’t know which door God might open, but it might be through one of your friends or churches.

Thank you all for being so faithful and supportive. This blog and the support you have given me has been part of the encouragement I needed to take the next step.

But allow me to encourage you-

Allow YOURSELF to dream again. What have you pushed aside as impossible? As too early or too late?

But, is it really?

16 Years. 5 Reasons.

As I was thinking about topics to write about in March…

Something came up this weekend that reminded me how old I really am: a conversation with one of my oldest friends. She pointed out that we have been friends for 16 years. 16 years!!! That’s longer than some of you have been alive, and that’s shorter than some of you can even remember!
 I will say this- don’t let the freckles fool you- this body is aging fast. Receding gum lines, diminishing eyesight, selective hearing hearing aids… these are just a few of the things my poor husband has to deal with.

This got me to thinking back when Kristal and I were in junior high and high school, and that led me to a prayer of gratitude. Not only for Kristal’s friendship for so many years, but also for the fact that I am getting old. Why? Why would I be thankful for that absurd reality? Well, glad you asked my friend…glad you asked.

 1. I don’t have to check urban dictionary every day to make sure that I’m not accidentally saying something that will get me killed. Or fired.

Most of the people I communicate with on a daily basis have the same language I do... an “old” one, so we can all understand each other… and my boss.

However, recently, I told my husband that I was going to write something on my post, and an absolutely horrible look crossed his face and then he erupted into laughter. Evidently I didn’t know that  this particular phrase had changed TREMENDOUSLY in meaning since the last time I’d used it. Thankfully, my husband is a high school teacher and is up to speed on that stuff so he keeps me from getting killed by the younger generation.

 2. I don’t feel obligated to post a selfie of myself every Sunday.
#SelfieSunday did not exist 16 years ago. (Neither did smart phones.)

Some Sundays I don’t like the outfit I wore. Some Sundays are “I feel like I’ve gained 5 pounds” days. Some Sundays are “Oh wait, I have gained 5 pounds” days. Some Sundays my hair looks like I live in a city of 98% humidity… Oh wait, I do.

So guess what? I don’t post a selfie. I am free from the Instagram obligations of hashtag picture days. And for that I am eternally grateful. 

3. I experienced 2 of the world’s greatest superpowers:

 The Cosby Show and Whitney Houston.

Either one of those two phenomenon’s stopped people in their tracks.  It was as if they had the ability to freeze time because no one was able to do anything but be mesmerized when they were seen or heard.

I truly pity the younger generation- they only get to see re-runs and will never hear new recordings.

4. I know how to open a book.

Blogs, articles, online magazines and newspapers, and online books have taken over. Now I get that it is way more convenient to read books on a tablet of computer. I even do it myself. And clearly, I blog, so it’s a bit hypocritical for me to hate on blogging.

But at least I have the memories of my adolescent years…. The years where a book was something you held in your hand and it was not electronic. It was paper.

I remember what it meant to read a book. First you had to receive one, either through the library or a store. So, that, in and of itself, was an adventure. And then, with great respect and excitement, you would break that new book’s silence. You would hear the crack of the spine. And the thrill of adventure would hold you captive as you turned each page. Ahhhh. Bliss.

**If you weren’t a reader as a kid, you may not understand this one. But just trust me when I say you missed out. Big time.**
 

And last but not least:

5. Sometimes I can leave my phone at home and not feel like I’ve lost my soul.

I’ll be the first to say, most days, if I were to forget my phone, I would turn back around and go get it. However, there are some days, some activities, some dates with my husband, or conversations with my girlfriends that the phone stays home.

WHAT?!?!

But how will you know when someone re-tweets you? Tags you in a picture? Posts a status about the weather??? I don’t. Let me say that again- I don’t!!!!!!

There is something remarkably freeing in every once in a while only being with the person you are physically with- and not every Facebook friend, Twitter follower, Instagram follower, and LinkedIn professional in that smartphone of yours.

That is something that I hope will never change and something that I hope others learn.

It’s okay to be alone. Or alone with just one person…

Instead of one person physically but 500 electronically.

I can value face time without feeling like I’m missing out on the rest of the world.

So yes, world, as crazy as it is to admit this. I am fine with being “old”. Grateful even.  God put me here “for such a time as this” with a purpose that is His.

So wherever you are- whether 16 or 60 remember your childhood. Why are you grateful for the age that you are? Each of us have reasons, we just need to take the time to remember them.