Lies

***Today’s blog topic is a sensitive issue and should be read with awareness that this is not suitable for children, but extremely relevant for teenage girls and their mothers.***

I have recently been inundated with accounts of girls hurting themselves or girls sharing inappropriate photos.  And although at initial glance, those two habits are not similar, I tend to think the root cause is.  The need to feel something- whether it is physical pain or physically beautiful- is a powerful force for women. And that force that drives for significance compels young women to take action… they are desperately seeking to be found noteworthy, yet these methods fail to provide it for more than moments at a time.

As I heard yet two more stories today, I started researching statistics of how many of our young girls in this country are actively taking or sharing inappropriate pictures of their bodies, and the girls who are hurting themselves in order to deal with the pain that others have caused... It’s anywhere from 1 in 5 girls, to 1 in 12 girls*.  Tragically, in my experience, it’s closer to the 1 in 5 than the 1 in 12 that those percentages translate into.

How I wish I could sit down with each young woman, yet the need is bigger than I am.  So, I pray that these words will reach some of the hurting girls who can then reach their friends.

Young sisters…..

Hollywood has lied to you.

Nude or semi-nude photos of yourself do not prove your desirability; your femininity; your attractiveness; nor your worth as a girlfriend or a girl.

I get it- the contradiction of hearing that beauty is from your inner self but seeing almost every major star willing to show much of what she has with her “outer self.”  It’s confusing, overwhelming, and difficult. Who doesn’t want to be considered beautiful and desirable? We all do, and that desire isn’t wrong.  It’s the actions we take to fulfill that desire by our own hand that is the problem.

Snapchat, Instagram, Facebook, and every other social media site have lied to you.

“Privacy” is a foreign word to the internet. “Deleted” is not possible. Once something has been posted, sent, or shared, it will forever be in the archives of the internet. Maybe not accessible to you, but accessible to someone. And most likely someone with very little to no respect who “you” are.

Peers. Boyfriends. Girlfriends. Instagram Followers have lied to you.

You do not have to share with the world what God intended for you to share with your spouse. Your body does not need the “like” of a boyfriend/girlfriend or random follower to be considered beautiful. Your husband will be enthralled with you and you will be with him. The mystery going into marriage is worth the privacy before marriage.

To quote an awesome movie, Cool Runnings “A gold medal is a wonderful thing, but if you’re not enough without it, then you’ll never be enough with it.”

Girls- the same is true of you. 

You and your body are a wonderful thing, but if you’re not enough without a boy’s affirmation, then you’ll never be enough with it. You will keep searching for that significance without reward.  That need for ultimate significance and sense of beauty comes from God. The One who made you, designed you, dreamed of you, listens to you, and holds you is the only One who will forever and always tell you that you are beautiful; you are enough.  In fact...you are worth taking pictures with clothes on.

 

Your heart and/or mind have lied to you.

When the doubts flood and the self-loathing consumes your heart and your mind, know that you are not listening to the truth. Reality often whispers- so listen closely.... but the truth is that “You are more than the choices that you've made, You are more than the sum of your past mistakes, You are more than the problems you create, You've been remade. “ (Tenth Avenue North)

The truth is…

• Your nude body is beautiful but not for public viewing.
• Your husband will appreciate your perseverance in standards.
• Cutting yourself does not bring emotional healing. It actually deepens it.
• Your jeans’ size is not the determining factor of your worth.
• You wouldn’t let your friend burn themselves, so why do you?
• Your boyfriend asking for picture shows who he is- not who you need to be.
• Your pain is real. Your need is authentic.
• Talking to someone will bring healing. 
• Cutting yourself will not... And you know it.

You can start fresh. 

Forgiveness is real. Clean slates are a reality.

And to the mothers, as hard as it is, try 

to understand that your daughter might be struggling with one or both of these. And if not her, one of her friends most certainly is.  As difficult as it is to fathom, the struggles are real. They don’t mean that she is un-loveable or beyond help. Your daughters’ world is far different than your own. Better in some ways, worse in others. Just as you didn’t choose the temptations that were prevalent when you were a teenager, she hasn’t chosen the temptations that are prevalent for her.  She may have made mistakes, but she needs you more than ever.

Love her. Hurt with her. Help her. Discipline her.
But please don’t forsake, abandon, or condemn her.

Girls- we all need grace, and we all need help. You're not alone in the struggle.

*http://www.covenanteyes.com/2012/01/10/sexting-statistics-what-do-the-surveys-say/

**http://abcnews.go.com/Health/MindMoodNews/12-teens-cut-harm-themsleves/story?id=14969232

Emergencies

Fast. Speedy. Quick. Swift. Rapid. Blistering.

Break-neck. Hurried. Supersonic.

All of those could you be used to describe parts of me.  I walk quickly. I drive fast. I talk hurriedly. I rush speedily. I even think swiftly.

I love movement. Long lines cause me to question my sanity. Slow retail service causes me to hyperventilate. Monotonous and pointless discussions confuse and frustrate me. I like figuring out the fastest way home. The quickest solution to a problem. The best grocery line to stand in.

 I’m always looking to save a second which leads to saving a minute, to an hour…etc, etc, etc…

And then the author of the book I’m reading wrote something that stopped me cold.

“Life is not an emergency. Life is brief and it is fleeting but it is not an emergency. Emergencies are sudden, unexpected events —

but is anything under the sun unexpected to God?”*

What? Life is not an emergency? Life does not have to be pursued at break-neck speed for fear that slowing down means losing life? What an entirely different approach. In fact, that changes the mindset of each of my every day’s.

I asked my husband last night, “What would you do if you knew you had 6 months to live?” He answered as most, if not all of us would. He talked about making the most of life and the moments left. He would take a dream-vacation with me and have significant conversations with friends and family. He would soak in the little bit of time left…. When he asked me what I would do- I had nothing else to add. He had summed it up. With knowledge of a fleeting life-span, I would savor the time with those I love and cherish rather than rush it.

As we kept talking I began to tear up- thoughts of 6 months left to live easily cause sadness... But also regret. Although the original question was hypothetical, the follow-up question my brain cornered me with was real….

“Why am I putting off those savored conversations and special memories??
Why don’t I live those moments now?”

James 4:14 tells us:

^“Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life?

You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes.”

How is that different than being told by a doctor- “Your time is short”? Yet, just how differently would I live my life if a doctor uttered the exact same phrase to me that James does?  Vastly. 

Life would no longer be lived as an emergency- blasting from one event to the next, but it would be lived with steadfast determination. A choice of purpose and intentionality. Decisions to remember the moments and take advantage of them rather than moments taking advantage of me.

This same author points out:

“Being in a hurry. Getting to the next thing without fully entering the thing in front of me. I cannot think of a single advantage I've ever gained from being in a hurry. But a thousand broken and missed things, tens of thousands, lie in the wake of all the rushing.... Through all that haste I thought I was making up time. It turns out I was throwing it away.” *

Ouch. It feels like I was tangibly pricked. How many times have I rushed around in order to fit more “things”, more “memories,” more “to-do’s” in only to find myself exhausted and burned-out…leaving negative impressions instead of joyful memories.

I find myself doing that in more areas than I even realize. In desperate attempts to “enjoy life” and to “live life to the fullest” I began to fall into the trap of an emergency-filled life instead of a fleeting life. My fear of losing out on life will not magically add to my life. Quite the opposite actually.   I’m not losing anything by slowing down. I’m not missing out by taking a breath. I’m not forgoing memories by being at peace with the day-to-day activities, conversations, and work. Those are part of my life. God’s placement of me in this time, at this job, with these friends, and born into my family is intentional.

My every day’s are here to give me the fullest life God intended.  By rushing through them to get to the tomorrow’s, I’m rushing through my life, my memories, my joys.  

I’m learning to live today. And when tomorrow comes, to live then.

 As a Christ-follower...“This day is not a sieve, losing time. With each passing minute, each passing year, there's this deepening awareness that I am filling, gaining time. We stand on the brink of eternity.” *

*Author: Ann Voskamp