Fitting out

We’ve all felt it. 

Walking into a room and thinking “I don’t belong here. | I’m way underdressed. | Definitely don’t know anyone. AwKwArD. | I wish I hadn’t of come.”

Maybe the thoughts come after leaving the room. “Well that was miserable. |
I wish I could get into that group- they seem so fun. | Why did I go? It always turns out to be uncomfortable!”

Recently I heard it put this way in the movie Home (which is amazing!):

I don’t fit in. I fit out.

When I heard that line I thought, “Wow. That describes it perfectly.” How many of us think that as we walk into school every morning? Or into church every Sunday? 

I know I certainly have. The struggle of feeling on the out instead of the in is more common than we like to confess. While we’re being transparent, women would have to admit feeling this as well. We like to play it off as a teenage struggle- constantly feeling the tension to fit in and not fit out. But it’s not something that goes away when you turn 20. It is one that unexpectedly follows us into adulthood leaving us to wonder what is wrong with us that we could never find our niche. It has truly been a journey of surprise to discover that women of all ages, 10-92, fight this expectation of acceptance.

I offer you 3 things I am learning in this battle. 

Hopefully they will bring some degree of relief if you find yourself in the same position as I.

1) Don’t stop trying.

For some, this is easy and obvious. For me, it’s torture and confusing. I’m an introvert. Introverts typically use the “run and hide” technique when faced with trying to find a group to belong to rather than the “face the battle’ technique.

I am learning, however, that there are many women who want to belong somewhere as desperately as I do. If no one ever tries to make those connections, however, we really will be left isolated and lonely.

I’m also learning to initiate “trying”. What I mean by that is this: with the women I felt that connection with, I ask them to lunch; I coordinate a girl’s night; I make the phone call.  Is it awkward? Yes! But is it worth it? Absolutely.

2) Accept your season.

Although I just said don’t stop trying to find friends, also learn to adjust your expectations to your season of life. In college, I had a constant friend group. After college, I had a constant friendship with loneliness.  There are different seasons in life, and different levels of community for each season.  If you are new to a church, job, stage of life, or city, you more than likely will be in a lonelier season than before. Learn to walk the path of your season.

3) Don’t be picky. Do be yourself.

It’s easy for us to spot an established group of friends and decide that’s where we belong. So we then do anything and everything we can to put ourselves into that friend group; often even changing ourselves a little bit.  The times in my life when I have stopped being picky, arrogant, and close-minded, I have found friends in places I would least expect! The groups that I used to want desperately to be a part of are now groups that I realize I don’t click with.  Nothing against them or me, I’m finally honest enough to be myself. And find a group that fits me- not the me I think I want to be.

  

I get that there’s no easy answer to the feeling of fitting out instead of fitting in. But I’m realizing more and more that maybe fitting out is where I’m supposed to be. Maybe, just maybe… the in crowd isn’t fit for me!

In Him,

Holly

Just wait

Eyes widened. Little hands covered her eyes. “Daddy, I’m scared.”

Watching her reaction pierced my core. Because in all honesty, her reaction was the appropriate one to the scene that was unfolding before us.

And yet for me, I didn't react.  Perhaps because I’d seen it before.  But as I watched the little girl retreat into her dad’s arms, my heart started turning.  I became increasingly more thankful that I knew the end to this story because if not, then fear and despair would be overwhelming. And right.

What was the scene that caused such a response? The crucifixion of my Savior.

For my fellow believers, put yourself for just a moment in the mind of someone who is watching the story of Jesus for the first time.  Go back to the time of your childhood as you watch the Man who was also fully God, live a humble and beautiful life. He healed the sick, restored the broken, provided for the hungry. He proclaimed with humble certainty "I am the way, the truth, and the life*… I am the resurrection and the life. The one who believes in me will live, even though they die; and whoever lives by believing in me will never die.”**

The One who lived a perfect, sin-less life only to be betrayed by a friend, denied by a best friend, and tried as a criminal. Although the human judge believed His innocence, he was too cowardly to stand up to the mob of bullies, and so he turned over this precious Man’s life to the Cross.

When the little girl muttered her fear and horror, we were watching the Man carry his own Cross to the crucifixion spot.  The scene only grew darker as the soldiers stretched out His severely beaten body in order to pound nails into His hands and feet. The Father forsook His only beloved Son. 

The girl recoiled. The soldiers did not.

We watched Him die. And His mother weep. And despair settle.

“Why Daddy? Why did He have to die?”

“Just wait honey… just wait!”

We watched 3 horrific days pass... BUT THEN... 

The girl’s eyes opened wide. Confusion and excitement covered her face. Joy replaced the fear. Smiles replaced the frowns.

I watched her discover the Son of God’s tomb was empty as He triumphantly proclaimed victory over evil in this world and beyond!Jesus IS alive! We HAVE reason to hope! We HAVE salvation! Her excitement stirred my heart and birthed a prayer:

Father, let me always be as a little girl hearing the story for the first time.

When the perishable has been clothed with the imperishable, and the mortal with immortality, then the saying that is written will come true: "Death has been swallowed up in victory." Where, O death, is your victory? Where, O death, is your sting?" The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law. But thanks be to God! He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ. ***

Death has died and love has won! This video of  the song Mercy Tree so beautifully depicts the Easter story- take a minute to watch!

… And for those who might not know…

For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God. Romans 3:23

For the punishment of sin is death, but the gift of God (salvation) is eternal life in Jesus our Lord! Romans 6:23

But God shows His love for us, in that while we were still sinners, Jesus died for us. Romans 5:8

If you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead, you will be saved! For with the heart one believes and is justified, and with the mouth one confesses and is saved! Romans 10:9-10

Receiving salvation is as simple as praying these truths back to God and accepting His love and offer of salvation.You can pray something as simple as:

God, I know that I am a sinner. I know that I deserve the consequences of my sin. However, I am trusting in Jesus Christ as my Savior. I believe that His death and resurrection gives me forgiveness and covers my sin. I trust in Jesus and Jesus alone as my personal Lord and Savior. Thank you Lord, for saving me and forgiving me! Amen!"

Let me know if you do- I’d love to rejoice with you!

*Jn 14:6;**Jn 11:25-26;*** 1 Cor 15:55-57