Monday's Musings: Golden Apples

Before I say anything- yes, I know it's Monday's Musings, but it's Tuesday.... I wrote it yesterday... does that count??

It seems remiss to not mention Thanksgiving during Thanksgiving week- yet to be perfectly honest, it seems like there’s not much to say that hasn’t already been said on the subject- and said beautifully I might add!

So here’s what I’ll say on the subject (it’s not necessarily beautiful, but I do think it is quite profound!) before moving on… One of the main purposes of Thanksgiving is to actually show thankfulness for the blessings in your life. Look! Both words even have Thanks in them. Coincidence? I think not. I know... I know… mind blowing wisdom right there.

Although I’m not focusing on Thanksgiving, I have thought quite a bit about Thanksgiving Week. Over the next 7 days, each of us will have more conversations than we normally have with people that mean the most to us…. And yet, the crazy thing is that the opposite will happen the very next day (or that night).  We will have conversations that we normally would never have with people that we have never seen before and hope to never again.  

Despite the two ends of the spectrum, there is a common denominator between being with family at home or with enemies in the shopping lines: Conversations.

Like it or not- there will be words exchanged. You can’t help but spend a week with crazy Uncle Norman, or stand in line with the crazy lady buying 22 cat calendars for 6 hours at Target and not say anything at all. “So you like cat calendars?” will probably slip out at some point….

Solomon said this- The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit (Proverbs 18:21)

For someone whose love language is words of affirmation but yet is also extremely sarcastic, (ironic and odd, I know) that verse resonates with every part of me.

Looking back- words have changed my life. They have given me opportunities that I never thought possible.  To dream a bigger dream. To give someone a chance. To ask for forgiveness. To marry my best friend. To bring a smile to a sister. To bring life to my heart.

Yet they’ve also given me opportunities of destruction. To mock someone’s career. To belittle a stranger. To hurt my best friend. To make someone cringe. To disrespect my husband. To kill someone’s happiness.

Words.

Ordinary, everyday conversations can be turned into a weapon of destruction or an inspiration of life.

I remember when I first started thinking about speaking to young women, I struggled in my prayers. Was teaching and speaking really something I should pursue? It seemed a bit vague and yet also ambitious. Then the Lord brought me to this verse… Like apples of gold in settings of silver is a word spoken in right circumstances. (Proverbs 25:11) … and brought memories like these to mind.

In college, my mentor told me over coffee- “You can do that. You minister to women of all ages.” My dream of ministry became real.

My niece picks up the phone and says “Hi Holly- whatcha up to?” Her conversations bring joy to life in our family.

My best friend texts me “I miss you.” Our friendship remains vibrant although separated by hundreds of miles.

Today I received an email that simply said “I’m thankful for you.” That was it. Yet it brought a smile to my heart and to my lips. It brought a moment of “life” in my otherwise quiet afternoon.

My husband called me as he drove and asked “How’s your day going?” That was it. Yet the conversation that ensued brought laughter to us both…. Someone listening in might even say, it brought “life” to my lunch break.

Those conversations are my apples of gold. They glitter when everything else seems a little dull.  They keep me pushing forward when the weight of the world seems to push back. They bring life to my soul.

Words.

 

So this week as you talk to friend or foe, family or stranger, let’s try to remember the power of our words. Life and death are in our conversations. Which will we choose to deliver? Moments of golden apples that will always be remembered? Or moments of destruction that will never be forgotten?

Words.

 

Mirror Mirror

“Mirror Mirror on the wall, who’s the fairest of them all?”

 

“Well, let’s see there’s Sarah, and Abby… you can’t forget about Jennifer, and Mary. Oh, and I forgot about Amy, Ashley, and Allie…. Well, then there are the girls from my swim team, and…. And…. And…And…”

How many thousands of times have I mentally asked that question to the mirror in my bathroom. Oh, it sounds a little different. I’m not a plagiarizer mind you!  It usually goes something like this:

 

“Hmmm… I wonder if this shirt hides my stomach well enough?”

“Maybe if I wear these jeans with these boots, it will make my hips look smaller…?”

“I like this color on me. I wonder if anyone will notice me today?”

“I can’t believe I let the hairdresser talk me into this short of hair?!?! I wonder if people will think it makes my face look fat?”

 

Right as my husband and I began dating, Aaron unknowingly stumbled into the mind of females… You see, my roommates had a couple girlfriends over, and as we walked in, we heard one of the girls there explain that she had a major crush on a boy that we knew. But she ended the story with, “It’s not like he’s ever going to look at me. He’s out of my league.”

Hit home with anyone? We’ve all said it. Thought it. Hated it. Believed it.

And thus began the conversation that caused my husband’s mind to swirl. Because he, like us, tried to convince her otherwise, but she wouldn’t budge. Her mind was made. She had asked her mirror that morning like every morning before… and she was told no, she wasn’t the fairest of them all.

As we continued talking, Aaron then posed a thought-provoking question.

 “You all are talented, funny, intelligent and beautiful women. Do all of you, or have all of you struggled with this idea that you aren’t pretty enough? You’re not thin enough? You’re not perfect enough?”

“Yes.” “Yes.” “Absolutely.” “Yes.” “Definitely.”

Silence fell. And then his voice was heard quietly.

“Wow. I had no idea.”

And then one by one, we all agreed that ,not only would none of us say that we thought of ourselves as beautiful, not one of us had a girlfriend who would call herself beautiful either. There was always someone else who won the title “Most Beautiful” when we looked into our own mirrors every morning and posed that lingering question in our own ways... “Who is the fairest of them all?”

Unfortunately, the struggle does not end when you graduate from high school, college, or become a “grown-up.” There’s always a mirror to look into. Always a girl to compare to.

In fact, it followed me into marriage.

We haven’t been married that long, but I have gained some weight in the past few months. So, my morning routine of looking into the mirror became a little more brutal than the mornings before. Surely, I can’t be considered as attractive to my husband as I did 6 months and 7 pounds lighter ago… To which the mirror seemed to whole-heartedly agree.

One night I broke and couldn’t deal with wondering anymore and I posed the question- not to the mirror, but to my husband. “Do you still think I’m beautiful?”

He looked into my eyes with surprise, and said “Why would you even ask? Of course.”

“Well I’ve gained some weight.”

“No you haven’t.”

“Yes, babe. I really have.”

“Oh- well one, I couldn’t tell. And two- it doesn’t and wouldn’t matter. You are beautiful.”

His response gave me the encouragement and courage I needed, and I began to tell him of all the doubts and fears swirling in my head of my body image and beauty.

 “Holly, what would you tell your youth girls or your friends? Do you think they truly are beautiful regardless of weight fluctuations or body changes?”

“Well, yes, of course!!”

He then pierced through my fears with this question.

“Then why can’t you believe it about yourself?”

I. don’t. know. But I should. I should.

So, for any woman of any age who has ever experienced this struggle, allow me to pose the same question to you that my sweet and loving husband posed to me.

“Why can’t you believe it about yourself?”  

God does.

Psalm 139:14-18 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful,   I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.  Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. How precious to me are your thoughts God!    How vast is the sum of them!  Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand— when I awake, I am still with you.

 

Your husband does.

 

Your future husband will.

 

You are the beauty in the mirror. You are the fairest you that God could have possibly made.

So how about we stop asking the question to the mirror and start asking the question to the Lord. His answer is far different, far better, and absolute truth.

 

Monday’s Musings: Cinderella and Dating

I grew up watching Disney Princesses like most of the American girl population. And I fell in love with the stories like every other girl. For various (random!) reasons, Disney Princesses have been on my mind.

While thinking about Disney in the background, I’ve also been having conversations with junior high and high school girls the past couple of weeks (well, years actually) about boys and dating… and my brain started combining the two.

So, here are 5 Dating tips from Cinderella…. Sorry, no, there’s no reason to talk or sing to birds on the list. They actually don’t talk back… disheartening, I know.

 1.  Take the risk- even if you’re alone.

Let’s think about this- Cinderella had been a servant girl all of her adult life, she had no clue how to act at a ball, let alone dance. But- when the opportunity, risk was presented, she gathered the courage and went. Alone. Without a date. She was willing to dance alone.

Don’t sit on the sidelines of your life waiting for a prince before you will take a risk.  God has told you, “I will never leave you; I will never forsake you.” You have your ultimate protector with you. Take the risk. Go to the dance. Move away to college. Accept the surprise job offer. Pursue your dream career. Follow God’s leading and walk in faith with Emmanuel, “God with us…. God with you.” He’s with you. The risk is when you don’t follow Him.

 2. Follow the rules- the clock will strike 12!

We all know the story- Cinderella was changed back to servant girl rags when the clock struck 12. So, Cinderella stuck to the agreement and left the ball when she was supposed to…. now granted she had incentive, what girl wants to be at a gorgeous ball and suddenly be in an old raggedy out of style dress? However, it still took incredible self-discipline. She was in a killer ball gown, she was in a castle, and she was dancing with the Prince!! Yet, she left. When she was supposed to leave.

She decided to abide by the rules before she ever even went to the party. Because she held true to her decision, we have the story of Cinderella.  The Prince, although initially confused, also clearly knew he was dealing with a girl that held to her commitments. He respected her for that. He pursued her in fact.

 Self-discipline is extremely difficult but extremely necessary for a godly relationship. It takes self-discipline to honor commitments when a seemingly better offer comes along, and it takes self-discipline to stay pure.

But the decision must be made before you get to the “ball”. Make the decision before you start dating the boy. Make the decision before you get invited to the party. Make the decision before you ________.  What decision? The decision to have self- discipline. To follow the rules. To obey your parents. To obey God.

Let your decisions cause your prince, your date, and your friends to respect you. Hold to your commitments.

 3. He pursued. She waited.

When Cinderella left the ball, she went home. And the next day, she did not run straight back to the castle yelling “Yo Prince! Over here! It’s me! I’m the girl you danced with last night! When’s our next ball???”

She went home and waited. She let him pursue. It probably took him longer than she would have liked. I’m sure her mind was not on the floor she scrubbed the next morning. I’m guessing it was somewhere back at the castle. But she let him take the lead, and did he ever!

One of the sweetest things my husband ever did for me while we dated was how he pursued me. I never had to take the lead. He was already one step ahead. Girls, you deserve to be pursued. Wait for the man who does. Cinderella and I promise it’s worth it.

4. Serve. With a smile.

 Why? Because you never know who will walk in and propose in the process!!! The prince found Cinderella in her home. Granted she was locked away in the tower, but she was back in her servant rags. And she had gotten up that morning and served.

Godly men will admire you for your service. This is not saying serve at your church or school to get a guy- (remember, motives are as important as actions!!) But… it is important to serve, and sometimes, just sometimes, the blessing will come during the moment of service.

My best friend in high school served faithfully in her church’s children’s ministry during high school and college. She met her now husband at church. If you were to ask him what first drew him to her? He would say: “Her service. I knew she was a godly woman by how she served.”

Always be willing to serve.

5. Have standards- not specifics.

When Cinderella went to the Prince’s Ball, she certainly didn’t know she was going to end up marrying the Prince! What a dream come true! But what if the story ended with Cinderella turning Prince Charming down because he wasn’t tall enough. Or he didn’t have the right hair color. Or maybe she didn’t want to marry a guy who was royalty. Maybe she preferred a country boy. Or a musician. Or maybe an inventor.

How crazy does that sound? The idea that Cinderella would turn down a prince because she wanted a lumberjack instead?!?!

Yet, I see girls do it every single week. We refuse a date with a godly, awesome guy simply because he doesn’t fit our specifics. He fits our standards perfectly, but not our specifics.

What’s the difference?

Standards are character qualities such as: giving, loving, kind-hearted, slow to anger, funny, respectful, etc.

Specifics are: Musician, blonde hair, 6 feet 2 inches, 152 freckles, size 11 feet, ability to ride a horse, Policeman, etc…

Girls, let’s be honest, we like to exchange the two. We put our specifics as our standards…. And in the process turn down a potential Prince Charming.

 

Make sure the standards are not your specifics. Because when the real standards line up, you don’t have to worry about specifics. Your Prince Charming will be there. And he will sweep you off your feet.

 

 

Ice skates, cereal, and Monday realizations

I got to thinking about some life lessons... that to be perfectly honest, maybe took me longer than it should have to learn them... but here you have them.

I'm sure you WON'T be able to relate at all.

 

5. No matter how many times I perform the triple-toe-loop on my kitchen floor, I will never become an Olympic Ice Skater.

Even though I deeply long to say – Move over Kristi Yamaguchi!!  It’s time I accepted the fact that I never will.

I know you've done the same thing- so don’t pretend you have no idea what I’m talking about!

4. The best snack isn’t chips…. It’s cereal.

I didn’t fully embrace my cereal addiction until college…. If only I had realized earlier the full extent of how delicious a bowl of cereal is…. *sigh*

And yes, I realize I should probably get some help for this addiction.

3. It actually does take practice to play the piano well.

My mom always told me to practice. She even gave me a required amount of time to spend at the piano every day.

If only I had spent that time actually playing the piano and not day-dreaming about the previously mentioned Olympic career and my favorite bag of chips, I maybe would be able play Mary had a Little Lamb again.

2. I actually shouldn’t marry a surfer.

I had the expectation of marrying a surfer, and we would travel the world and see all the gorgeous views of tropical beaches… Paid for by the competitions he would win, of course!

I only wish I was kidding… Especially since I grew up in Oklahoma and surfers were a little hard to come by in a state without a beach.

Before you laugh too hard- I’m sure if you think hard enough you have your own:

 “I actually shouldn’t marry a __________”

A Member of One Direction? An Olympic bob-sledder? That boy that I waved at in 6^th period?

With time, I have found that I love stability and home - even more than traveling.

But mostly, I love the man who I actually did marry… and the fact that his deepest desire is to follow Christ and make a difference in others. I’m so thankful God blessed me with the perfect husband for me.

I’ve learned the occupation of the man doesn’t matter… the heart inside of the man does.

1. I shouldn’t have put so many things before time with God.

They were good things. I wasn’t into bad stuff… but, I do have to ask myself, how good can something actually be when it replaces the priority only God deserves?

Sports, friends, school, careers, music, hobbies …even family and church. 

They belong below Christ, not above.

   _________________________________________________________________________

What about you? What are things you should have learned a long time ago?

 

Never to eat barbeque without 200 napkins in front of you?

If you hate confrontation, maybe you shouldn’t be a police officer?

Pinterest musings

There was a sign on Pinterest this morning. (Yes, I get on Pinterest in the mornings- don't judge me!)

The sign was this:

 

 

It’s so simple. Yet it struck me deeply. Am I thankful for today?

Am I thankful for a Wednesday hump day? For everything that comes with today? Attending meetings, writing wedding thank you notes, not getting home until late, being partially hungry all day because I never pack enough food…. Am I thankful for that?

Am I thankful for the day that bad news hits, things fall apart, hopes are crushed, and feelings are hurt…? Am I thankful for that?

November, as cliché as it sounds, seems like it’s the easiest month to remember to be thankful for. And I am thankful- for my husband, for my family, for food on our table, a beautiful house, wonderful friends… all of which is good and I should be thankful. But am I thankful for the days that the sun isn’t shining perfectly and life isn’t smiling in my favor?

Was Job thankful for the day that brought news of the death of, not one, but all of his children, and the news of the loss, of not some, but all of his wealth? Or the day that brought painful boils that made it excruciating to live, not one, but every day? Or the day his wife said “Curse God and die!”?

Was Job thankful?

Job 1:20-22 Then Job arose and tore his robe and shaved his head and fell on the ground and worshiped. 21 And he said, “Naked I came from my mother's womb, and naked shall I return. The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord.” In all this Job did not sin or charge God with wrong.”

We as believers are instructed in 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18:  Rejoice always,  pray without ceasing,  give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.

This seems all but impossible some days. But Job did it. Habakkuk did it. David did it. They were able to whisper words like these:

Though the fig tree does not bud
    and there are no grapes on the vines,
though the olive crop fails
    and the fields produce no food,
though there are no sheep in the pen
    and no cattle in the stalls,
¹⁸ yet I will rejoice in the Lord,
    I will be joyful in God my Savior.

¹⁹ The Sovereign Lord is my strength;
    he makes my feet like the feet of a deer,
    he enables me to tread on the heights.

(Hab 3:17-19)

And God is showing me just how far I have to go. That if I want to have the faith and perseverance of the heroes of the faith, I have to learn to say “when there is nothing, yet will I rejoice in the Lord.

I. will. be. joyful. In God my Savior because the Lord is my strength.”

That is why we can be thankful for today… why I can be thankful for today. I am thankful for today because:

Today, God will be my strength. Today, God will be my stability. Today, God will enable me to walk through the darkest valleys. And today, God will be with me...

and I am thankful for any day that God loves me that much.