Pots, Pans & Meltdowns

Sometimes.  A lot of times, I am overwhelmed.

Sometimes it’s for great reasons…. Like having a project due for work and a really difficult deadline.  Sometimes it’s for not great reasons…. Like the time when Aaron and I were engaged and working on our registry, and in the middle of the cookware section at the store, I had a total meltdown.

Yes… the cookware section. Somehow the thought of choosing pots and pans was a million miles beyond my mental capacity.  I remember words coming out of my mouth that went something like this… “But everyone who ever comes to our home will judge me based on which pan I’m cooking with…”  Aaron also tells me that I was under the belief that picking the right cookware was the foundation for our marriage. Surely he’s mixing me up with another crazy overwhelmed bride walking through the aisles that day…right???

I only wish I was making that story up.

But the fact is regardless of whether the “I feel like I’m drowning” sensations are coming from making earth-shattering decisions like the purchase of the right soup pot, or whether they are coming from juggling 7 AP classes, extra-curricular activities, and church involvement, the fact is no one wants to feel like they’re drowning. Ever.  Not in the ocean and not on dry land.

Here are some things that I learned the hard way… maybe they can save you from the cookware meltdown 3 months before your wedding.

1. Admit you’re drowning.

I thought if I can just push through it, no one will notice that I’m struggling, and I’ll convince myself that all this is pathetic and silly.

Yeah… NO, YOU WON’T. NO, YOU WON’T. NO, YOU WON’T.

People will notice- at least the people close to you- because a) your tears are not invisible OR if you’re not a crier b) you biting their heads off over something simple will be a major hint.

The fact is even if the situation is pathetic and silly… like the belief that cookware is the foundation of my marriage… in that moment, you are “drowning” because of everything else going on in your life.  Drowning people are rarely able to think logically.  It’s better to admit you’re sinking so you can accept help, than to continue flailing around the ocean of your tears without the ability to make it to “shore.”

2. Realize that help might come in a form that you don’t like.

It’s not going to work if you realize you are completely overwhelmed but you reject all plans, ideas, and avenues suggested for helping you get to back to a state of equilibrium.  We must listen to our mentors, parents, spouses, friends’ wisdom in this area.

Chances are, you aren’t going to like the path to normalcy. Why? Because we overloaded ourselves which is why we now feel like we are sinking. So, if we were all right with over-burdening our lives to get to the point of drowning, it’s going to be very difficult to admit that we need to UN-burden our lives by removing some of the very things we added to them to begin with.

Basically, if you put 15 activities on your schedule, the way to stop drowning might be to remove 7 of those 15 off your schedule. But who likes to go back and admit they can’t do everything? Certainly not this red-head!

But we have to. Or we drown. I have to. Or I drown.

Sometimes, however, it’s not that we over-burdened ourselves; we only have 2 things on our plate to begin with…  Maybe it’s that there are other unresolved issues we need to face. Some of us might need to go to counseling to work through it. Some of us might need to talk to a doctor because it’s a medical issue. Some of us should talk to a pastor because it’s a spiritual burden.

Bottom line: Be open to the reality that help won’t always look the same for each person.

3. Accept help.

I remember at our wedding rehearsal, I was struggling.  I was emotional, exhausted, excited, and stressed. So guess what happened? Yes… tears started cascading down. Looking back, maybe I should have reminded myself that we picked really good cookware! J

Aaron stepped in and took over. He directed the rehearsal; he told the group to ask him or my mom questions but to leave me alone. He and my mother salvaged and directed the next couple of hours. 

Now, honestly, part of me was so incredibly thankful. The other part of me was slightly humiliated. Why couldn’t I handle my own wedding rehearsal? How ridiculous must everyone think I am??

But you know what? Aaron wasn’t judging me because I was Niagara Falls. My mom didn’t pull me aside and tell me to pull myself together because I was the bride. Our guests didn’t heckle me as I entered the auditorium. No, instead my fiancé and family helped me in the best possible way- they took the pressure off of me and onto them.  Our friends and extended family either didn’t notice or were kind enough to not tell me they did… the evening continued and was a success.

Sometimes that is exactly what we need: to humble ourselves and accept the help.

There’s no shame in being a human.

We all have our weak moments, so thank the Lord that He gave us friends and loved ones to step in and support us.

I know I’m always grateful when a friend or loved one is honest enough to be transparent and vulnerable with me. Not that I’m glad they’re overwhelmed, but I’m glad they trusted me enough to help them, encourage them, or just listen to them.

Shouldn’t I extend that same trust when I’m the one drowning?

Maybe if I would, that would prevent another break-down… this time in the silverware aisle.