Man Truths

I’ve been married  1 year, 1 month and 1 day.  

  

And in that 1 year, 1 month and 1 day, I have found that there is truth to what older wiser women told me about men. Truth that I didn’t realize would save me some MAJOR confusion in marriage (or friendships) if I would have simply trusted their words. But today, sisters, today I believe them…which is consequently transforming the way I approach relationships.

Here are the 3 Man Truths that have been confirmed in my world. I’d love to hear in the comments below if they’ve been confirmed in yours.

#1 Hints are worthless. All of them.  E.V.E.R.Y. time.

Girls, we have all heard it. And yet, we’ve all devoured enough chick flicks, and read enough Nicholas Sparks novels that we choose to believe the fiction over the facts.  Fiction tells us that the majority of men naturally pick up the ability to read your mind while simultaneously ignoring your words (if needed).

For example, when we say:

“I think it’s so sweet when men buy jewelry for their girls…  Oh my! You know, that necklace would go perfect with my leopard-print dress! It’s soooooooooooo beautiful!!! I wish I had it!”

We feel as those are practically screaming “Buy me the necklace- it will show me you love me!!!! I WANT THE NECKLACE!!!!!!”

What he hears: “She must really like the necklace… “

Some men might also add on to that thought:  If she likes it that much, she should just buy it.

So what happens? He says that to his girl, excited that he’s picked up on something… and is shocked when she bursts into tears exclaiming “Oh, you just don’t get it!” and proceeds to tell him she feels like he doesn’t care about her. He’s left shaking his head wondering:
“If she liked the necklace so much, why would buying it make her so mad? Where did that backfire???”

Final conclusion: Hints are worthless.

#2 You must give them “conversation codes”.

Here’s something else that we’ve all heard: Boys hear a problem and want to fix it, but girls just want boys to listen.

Well we’ve all heard it because guess what- it’s true!!! When I tell Aaron a problem, his mind naturally and instantly processes: “If I solve this problem, my wife will be happy again. Let me solve this problem.”

Which, in all reality, makes sense when we look at it “logically” like a guy does. But why in the world would we do that?!?! We’re girls! In the midst of heartache, very rarely do we want logic!

So, I’ve learned to help us both be “successful” in getting what we want, I now tell Aaron the code to success at the beginning:  “Babe, this is a conversation that I need you to listen. And after you listen, I need you to reaffirm me.”

He now knows- “The solution in this instance to making my wife happy is not solving her problems it’s encouraging her.” 

Now, he probably is thinking – “She’s crazy. If she would just let me solve the problem, we wouldn’t have to have this same conversation 5 times.” But, he’s a sweet man, and keeps that thought to himself. Most of the time. ;)

In the end, the code solves both our problems! He’s happy because he’s not upsetting me further, and I’m happy because he’s not being logical when I need emotional!

#3 Avoid using “fine.” It only destroys conversations.

I will admit- I’m 100% stereotypical female in this particular way. I use “Fine” when I’m not actually fine.

But here’s my perfectly logical reasoning to why I say “fine” when I’m not….

1) I’m actually really annoyed, but I need to calm myself down before I tell you that I’m annoyed because then I’ll overreact.

2) I’m overreacting and I know I’m overreacting, and so I’m saying that I’m fine because it should be true, and it will be true, it’s just not true at this exact moment.

3) It’s fine. It’s not awful; it’s not great… it’s f.i.n.e.

So those make total sense right? Evidently to a man, not at all.  Here’s what a man hears…or so I’ve been told.

1) She’s flat-out lying. It’s obvious nothing about what I just said or asked is “fine”.

2) She’s flat-out lying. It’s obvious nothing about what I just said or asked is “fine”.

3) Why would she say it’s fine if she’s not pleased with it? Shouldn’t saying “fine” actually mean that she finds it acceptable?..... So if she’s not pleased but says she is… she’s flat-out lying. It’s obvious nothing about what I just said or asked is actually an acceptable form of “fine”.

Whoa. Major differences in thought processes. And I must admit, when my eyes were opened to the fact that men feel like they are being lied to and then forced to figure out on their own why we are so unhappy… is it any wonder that they get so frustrated with that answer?

Now, in our defense ladies, our intent behind “fine” most of the time is actually a good thing!! But I’m learning that for some men- they would rather have the emotional, sometimes illogical, sometimes very upset truth, then to be left in the dark as to what is actually going on.

So there’s my recently learned Man Truths! I’m with you sisters- it would be SO MUCH EASIER if men could just get with the program and read the female brain. But in the meantime, it’s all fine right?!?! ;)

 Please- if you have more to add- share below!!!