I’ve
struggled
with accepting my personality for
years. As so many of you know, I’m not the
woman who is known for her gentle spirit and sweet tendencies. I’m the woman
known for telling it like it is, and being boldly honest when answering
questions.
But
so many days I’ve wished I was different. Kinder. Less opinionated. Gentler.
More soft-spoken. Less argumentative.
I
remember someone telling me my senior year in high school that it would take a
special man to marry me because of my strong-willed nature. They maybe meant it
nicer than it sounds, but it certainly didn’t seem like it in the moment… or
the years afterwards. If anything, it furthered cemented the thought that had
already surfaced in my mind:
Being a
strong-willed woman was not something to be proud of.
In
college, I remember cringing every time I heard the word “intimidating” because I knew
that was just another reason a guy would have to NOT date me. My personality and sarcasm didn’t exactly
scream “alluring bachelorette,” but try as I did, I could never completely hide
my true self. It’s as if the part of me that spoke the truth- even when it
didn’t want to be heard - refused to buckle to the pressure of being an agreeable
single woman. Consequently, as odd as this might sound, I stayed true to myself
but not necessarily because I wanted to.
More because I tried to change me and just couldn’t.
Now, more than 10 years later, I can finally say that I’m learning to ignore that voice from the past and
embrace the way God wired my personality to roar instead of purr.
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A
huge part of this is watching and learning from other strong-natured women- my
primary examples being my mom and sister. You see, I came by my personality honestly-
it runs in all the girls in my family… on both sides!
What
do I mean?
Let me tell
you a little bit about my mom….
Maybe I should start with this: She homeschooled all 4 of us from Kinder to 12th
grade. What else needs to be said to show her strength?!
But
it doesn’t stop there…:
I’ve
seen my mom stand up for her beliefs when it was anything but popular. I’ve watched
her carry the heavy burdens of friends and loved ones. I’ve been on the
receiving end of her bold truth-telling personality and have come to be
thankful for it. I have asked her to hold me accountable only to find out that
she really does. I’ve heard from countless women on how my mom has impacted not
only their lives but indirectly their children’s lives because of her Bible
teaching and challenge to live righteously. I’ve been helped by her through my
depression, anxiety, and disability. And
the list goes on and on and on….
Then there is
my sister who is five years
older than I am, and has been a role model for much of my life. Although she is
a creative day-dreamer and I am a practical realist, I’ve always been drawn to
her strengths.
Growing
up, she was always practicing hair and make-up on me so that my forehead was
littered with curling iron burns, and my nose was continually covered in her
saliva as she licked her thumb and rubbed out her make-up mistakes. I wish I
was kidding. She still does it to this day.
Her heart for the Lord goes as far back as my
memories. For example, one winter night when she was a
teenager, she made us sleep with the window OPEN so we could better empathize
with the persecuted Christians in China.
As
a woman, however, I’ve seen her tackle single motherhood…a feat that is
exhausting and terrifying, but she has done so with wisdom, grace, love, and
strength. I’ve seen her walk through a season in life with a shattered arm and
broken wrist making her incapable of movement in her arms. I’ve seen her march
through periods of dismal news and little resources, yet she stays clinging to
Christ more tightly than most can fathom.
As I reflect
on these two women, I can’t help but
believe that if not for their tenacity, their boldness, or their strong-wills,
they wouldn’t have overcome the trials they have. God gave them the tools they
needed, one of which being their personality, to serve His purpose on the
earth.
…
So, many years later in my quest for acceptance, I’m realizing there is both a reason
AND a need for the loud and bold women as well as the sweet and quiet
women. God equips us with the
personality we need to work through the trials we face. Our temperament is one
of the ways He takes care of us.
If
I believe that God created me in my mother’s womb and found it delightful to
pick out my eye color, hair color, and body type, then I must also believe that
he joyfully wired my personality to be as He wanted as well. (Psalm 139).
Stop trying to be
bold if you’re gentle; loud if you’re quiet; mild if you’re strong; timid if
you’re fearless.
Be the woman God equipped you to be.
There’s a reason for your personality. Fulfill it.
In Him,
Holly
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