Un-Merry Christmas

For the past couple of weeks, I've been reminded almost daily that although the world is shouting Happy Holidays and the radio sings “It’s the most wonderful time of the year,” for many of us, Christmas time does not mean a merry time. For some, in fact, quite the opposite rings true.

For in this period, it seems natural and automatic even to expect life to be awesome. Plans to go perfectly. Storms to wait until the spring. And loneliness to disappear.

But. It. Doesn't.

Rather- plans explode. Storms crash. Loneliness rages. Life hurts.

What do we do now? Although some days I seriously want the option of painting my face green and hanging a sign above my door “Just call me Grinch,” or curling into a fetal position and pulling a blanket over my head until January 5^th, neither of those possibilities are actually feasible. 

There’s a Christmas song in which the lyrics struck me deeply last week as I was seeking answers.

“Light your world, let the love of God shine through
In the little things you do, light your world
And though your light may be
Reaching only two or three, light your world…”

By the grace of God, (truly) I was able to witness this first-hand this past week.  It’s been a tough week. A lot of ups and downs of all different sizes and varieties, but this week, my husband decided that his “light” would reach my world. And as he went above and beyond to extend the love and the grace of Jesus to me, living out Matthew 5:16*, I then found that my light began to grow stronger. I glorified the Father because of my husband.

*Matthew 5:16  Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven.

Towards the end of the week, God gave me the grace to extend my light to a sweet elderly widow who lives in the midst of a very difficult time herself. She lives alone, in a small apartment where her visitors are rare. She used to cook and laugh with a sparkle and spunk, but the heartache of being forgotten has dulled the sparkle and halted the spunk.

Her happiness from my visit paled, however, in comparison to my gratefulness that God let me be the one who was able to bring her such joy. And a realization dawned- my difficulties hadn’t lessened. The hardships and trials were still staring me down, but for the first time that week, I chose not to stare back. Instead, I looked around them to find ways to help this widow laugh. 

It’s amazing how much joy your own heart discovers when you’re 

on the hunt to find joy for someone else.

As I drove away, I listened to that Christmas song again and thought “No wonder we are called to let our light shine! In helping someone else, she was encouraged, I was blessed, and God was glorified."  

Sometimes I don't have the strength to light the world. But this week I learned that I can light a world. And that was enough.

And though your light may be… Reaching only two or three, light your world…

John 8:12  Then spoke Jesus again to them, saying, 

I am the light of the world: he that follows me shall not walk in darkness,
but shall have the light of life. 

How NYC stole my Christmas magic:

Every Thanksgiving morning:

I wake up, literally run downstairs, make sure the TV is turned on with Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade  coming through loud and clear, and then head to the kitchen to ice my mom’s homemade cinnamon roll.

It’s been that same morning every Thanksgiving for as long as I can remember. Every time I’m home on Thanksgiving, that is what happens. It’s like there’s something magical about the Macy’s Parade.

So this year, when my husband and I realized we had two free SW flights in our reward account, we started working on our vacation budget…. And much to my shock and overwhelming EXCITEMENT…. We booked flights to NYC for Thanksgiving Week so we could see the Macy’s Parade (and NYC in general)!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Magical.  That’s what I expected every second to be. Because that’s what every Christmas movie in NYC declares as reality. The soft snow flittering down, the street-corner shops filled with hot chocolate and cupcakes; the skating rinks with happy couples swirling around; and yes, the parade goers laughing and smiling joyfully as the camera scans the crowd.

Freezing.  Raining. Puddles. Disrespectful Crowds.

Teeth-chattering, bones aching, frost-biting cold.

That’s what we encountered.  Magical was not in the word bank.

Don’t get me wrong, part of our week was beautiful with sunny skies and beautiful weather. But the parade: the life-long tradition of magic, Macy’s Parade was most definitely not.

When the parade started, I kept waiting… waiting for that magic feeling of warmth and Christmas and Holiday Cheer to spread over me.  We left the parade and I still was waiting. It never came.

As we headed back to Texas, I began feeling disappointed and frustrated. What was wrong with me that I wasn’t on top of the world back there?!?! I was in NYC for 4 days and watching the Parade on Thanksgiving morning!!! It was a life-long dream come true. But there were moments, minutes, hours even, that it didn’t feel like I was living my dream.

And I began to realize…..

As an adult, Christmas will never be as magical as it was a child- even when I desperately wish it to be. Life, in fact, will never hold the same magic as it did as a 7 year old girl. 

And this trip taught me that is ok. Because even though the holiday magic never swept over me, when I stopped bemoaning that fact, I realized something far greater was already in my heart that would never need a magical fuzzy to accompany it. 

Why? I had Joy!

Joy over the true cause for celebration: Jesus’ birth! It’s the only time of year where the world still acknowledges there is a reason for celebration that is far greater than any sense of “magic” the human race can come up with.

Because the truth is, magic can’t sustain reality, but joy can transcend it.

You see, I had expected my time in NYC to be as perfect as every holiday romantic comedy I’d watched or as beautiful as every photo-shopped magazine picture I had ever seen, and that’s the problem. I’m basing my dreams of this enchanted season from a world that will never be real, and therefore will never be magical.

But, if I learn to base my expectations and dream my dreams based on the joy of what Christmas is actually about- celebrating the birth of my glorious Savior, Jesus Christ, then
 my season will never be magical but will always be real. 

If I’m offered a magical make-believe world or a joy-filled, grace-infused, love-abundant reality, I choose the joyful reality. Every day. And in doing so, I’m finding that real Christmas joy is overflowing from my heart far more than any amount of “magic” ever could.

**Luke 2:10-14 : And the angel said to them, “Fear not, for behold, I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people. 11 For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Savior, who is Christ the Lord. 12 And this will be a sign for you: you will find a baby wrapped in swaddling cloths and lying in a manger.” 13 And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God and saying, 14 “Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace among those with whom he is pleased!

Depinned: Why #Flawless Creates Flaws

Flawless.

It’s everywhere.  

 Between Instagram, Facebook, Twitter and Pinterest,
I can’t get away from these phrases:

| Girl- you’re flawless. | I woke up like this. #flawless | 

| You’re so pretty. You’re perf! |

There are over 6 million hashtags on Instagram for flawless. Over 2 million for perf. Over 35 million for perfection.

So, for week two of Pinterest De-pinned, we're looking at Flawless.

I'm not even starting on the whole concept that “God is the only flawless and perfect being in existence,” because that's longer than a blog. So let’s look at the practicality of what this compliment actually does to a woman.

So let’s say someone comments on an Insta pic of mine: Flawless!

Here’s what that does to me:

          1) makes me smile. 

AND then helps me think a literally impossible standard of beauty is actually achievable. #doomedforfailure

          2) makes me look at my picture again.

AND then causes me to scrutinize it for the 37^th time. Which leads to either an arrogant view of myself, or, the more probable version, leads me to raise my standards for myself and the future pics that I will post. If people think I’m that pretty… that means future pictures must measure up.

#mustkeepup

          3) makes me remember what the picture looked like without the filter. 

AND then Am I as pretty without the filter? Maybe… Who am I kidding? No. Look at my skin tones. My zits. My big nose. I wonder if I’ll ever like a natural (no filter) picture of myself again. #notflawlessbutdon’ttell

Here’s what it does to the friend:

          1) she’s so beautiful! #idon’tlooklikethat

          2) I’ll never look like that! #whyherandnotme? 

          3) If only I my _________ was smaller. #flawed

          4) Girl- you’re so #perf. #jealous

And the random girl reading the comments:

         1) She has a ton of likes! #i’veneverhadsomany

2) I don’t know if I’d call her flawless…. Her nose is a little small. Her eyes a little big. (Criticism begins….most likely a defense mechanism to keep herself from feeling horrible about herself and her appearance.) #she’sprettynotbeautiful

OR

2)  Yeah, I mean look at her. She is gorgeous. I’ll never have those eyes or that nose. #somegirlshaveitall

3) I’ll comment too-  “tbh we don’t know each other but you’re perf!” #jealous

So to summarize #flawless creates:

For the girl: #doomedforfailure #mustkeepup #notflawlessbutdon’ttell

For the friend: #idon’tlooklikethat #whyherandnotme? #flawed #jealous

For the reader:  #i’veneverhadsomany  #she’sprettynotbeautiful  #somegirlshaveitall #jealous

So #flawless creates all sorts of self-doubts and scrutiny into our flaws. Hmmm....

Question: Can we go back to the reality that each of us has flaws?  No one is physically perfect without Photoshop, and even then that’s subjective.  To continually tell each other that we are flawless is only pitting us against a standard that we will always lose to. 

I’m not saying don’t compliment! I’m saying compliment in a way that doesn’t create or add to pre-existing notions of perfectionism or the idol of beauty in so many of our girls’, even our own lives.

True beauty is real. It’s walked through the difficulties of day to day living and rises the next morning to do it again. True beauty involves a character that is loving and an integrity that is spotless. True beauty brings laughter and love to lonely hearts.  True beauty doesn’t have so much to do with the size of the eyes as the size of the heart. True beauty is my Savior’s love flowing through me.

Women and girls: May we learn to compliment sincerely.  Love without jealousy. And look without coveting.

#celebratedifferences #acceptflaws #commendtruebeauty

What do you think? Has #flawless ever created more hurt or more awareness to flaws with you?

Pinterest De-pinned.

Every woman I know has a love-hate relationship with Pinterest. Why? Because you love all the amazing ideas you find…. Like Reese’s Chocolate Pie… or Caramel stuffed Apples with ice cream on top….

But you hate it for the complete and total level of impossibility that lies within it’s scrolling borders.

You think that Ryan Gosling actually counted you twice?

So I present to you: Pinterest De-Pinned. 
 As I stumble upon what I believe to be completely ludicrous pins, I will do my best to de-pin them from your Pinterest boards. And minds everywhere.

Today I want to start with this gem:

This is completely false.  We’re talking 1,000% false.   How do I know? I’m a woman!!!!

(If that’s not good enough for you, we’ve got a whole different issue to work on!)

Now don’t get me wrong, the only man that matters to me is my husband, and in that one sense the board is true. BUT- I haven’t always been married. And even as a married woman, words can still affect me.

If this pinned statement were true:

• Then the number of affairs would be drastically LESS.  How many women have strayed because a man other than her husband started complimenting her?  Her hearing the words led to her believing the words which led to her thinking about the words… and on and on it goes….
• Then the number of bad relationships would be drastically LESS.   How many girls have dated the wrong guy| the bad guy|the abusive guy because it started with compliments like “You are so beautiful…” ?

Words impact. To say that impact is profound is accurate. To say life-long is no exaggeration.  To say it affects us is truth.

So brothers, fathers, cousins, friends, with all that I have in me, 
I beg you: Consider your words carefully. 
Consider the woman receiving your compliments even more so.

To the fathers and brothers:

Do your job.  Love your girl. Praise her. Let her know that she has a beauty that is pronounced and noticeable. Give her the compliments that other men should not be. Or not yet at least.  Let her know that her shape is lovely and her face is gorgeous.  If those words intimidate you, practice on your wife. She’ll love you for it.

To the male friends of girls:

Do YOUR job.  Watch your words.  Your job is to build up your friend as a sister… But that is still a different relationship than a biological sibling. Because you are not related to her, your words carry a different weight. Continual deep compliments will not help your friendship; it will only complicate it for you both.

Although it doesn’t seem like a big deal, it is. Because at some point, your compliments will lead to thoughts which lead to questions…. And then eventually you will like her or she will like you. And it will get awkward or worse… one of you will be hurt.

So please, encourage, and yes, even compliment her- but within appropriate boundaries and using appropriate words. She needs to know she’s valued but she shouldn’t feel pursued when you’re not actually giving chase.

To women:

We must guard our hearts and our minds. Yes, we’ve heard that. But for many of us, we haven’t lived it.

When the wrong guy is saying all the right things, you must learn to forget the compliment and leave the guy. 

Here’s the last point I have to make before I close. And this one is so passionately part of me, that I wish I could have started with it. Men- this also means the reverse is true.

All the times you tell her she isn’t beautiful-
that hurts twice as deep.

You have probably never said those words: “You’re not beautiful.” But you’ve possibly said it in other ways:

“You certainly got a butt on you!”

“Your thighs are like tree trunks!”

 “You’ve put on weight since last time I saw you!”

“No guy would ever want to date you….. I’m just playin, just playin!”

Or maybe you know better than to joke like that, but maybe you don’t know that it’s equally hard to hear men|boys|friends talk about how beautiful OTHER girls are. Or celebrities that are literally impossible (apart from plastic surgery, Photoshop, and private trainers) to look like.

Husbands|Fathers: Know that for you, this quote is true. When she knows you find her beautiful, she is a woman on top of the world.

Girls: 

You are Beautiful. You don’t need a million men to tell you that. Your heavenly Father already has. And the man you will marry will remind you of that… for the rest of your life.

Pots, Pans & Meltdowns

Sometimes.  A lot of times, I am overwhelmed.

Sometimes it’s for great reasons…. Like having a project due for work and a really difficult deadline.  Sometimes it’s for not great reasons…. Like the time when Aaron and I were engaged and working on our registry, and in the middle of the cookware section at the store, I had a total meltdown.

Yes… the cookware section. Somehow the thought of choosing pots and pans was a million miles beyond my mental capacity.  I remember words coming out of my mouth that went something like this… “But everyone who ever comes to our home will judge me based on which pan I’m cooking with…”  Aaron also tells me that I was under the belief that picking the right cookware was the foundation for our marriage. Surely he’s mixing me up with another crazy overwhelmed bride walking through the aisles that day…right???

I only wish I was making that story up.

But the fact is regardless of whether the “I feel like I’m drowning” sensations are coming from making earth-shattering decisions like the purchase of the right soup pot, or whether they are coming from juggling 7 AP classes, extra-curricular activities, and church involvement, the fact is no one wants to feel like they’re drowning. Ever.  Not in the ocean and not on dry land.

Here are some things that I learned the hard way… maybe they can save you from the cookware meltdown 3 months before your wedding.

1. Admit you’re drowning.

I thought if I can just push through it, no one will notice that I’m struggling, and I’ll convince myself that all this is pathetic and silly.

Yeah… NO, YOU WON’T. NO, YOU WON’T. NO, YOU WON’T.

People will notice- at least the people close to you- because a) your tears are not invisible OR if you’re not a crier b) you biting their heads off over something simple will be a major hint.

The fact is even if the situation is pathetic and silly… like the belief that cookware is the foundation of my marriage… in that moment, you are “drowning” because of everything else going on in your life.  Drowning people are rarely able to think logically.  It’s better to admit you’re sinking so you can accept help, than to continue flailing around the ocean of your tears without the ability to make it to “shore.”

2. Realize that help might come in a form that you don’t like.

It’s not going to work if you realize you are completely overwhelmed but you reject all plans, ideas, and avenues suggested for helping you get to back to a state of equilibrium.  We must listen to our mentors, parents, spouses, friends’ wisdom in this area.

Chances are, you aren’t going to like the path to normalcy. Why? Because we overloaded ourselves which is why we now feel like we are sinking. So, if we were all right with over-burdening our lives to get to the point of drowning, it’s going to be very difficult to admit that we need to UN-burden our lives by removing some of the very things we added to them to begin with.

Basically, if you put 15 activities on your schedule, the way to stop drowning might be to remove 7 of those 15 off your schedule. But who likes to go back and admit they can’t do everything? Certainly not this red-head!

But we have to. Or we drown. I have to. Or I drown.

Sometimes, however, it’s not that we over-burdened ourselves; we only have 2 things on our plate to begin with…  Maybe it’s that there are other unresolved issues we need to face. Some of us might need to go to counseling to work through it. Some of us might need to talk to a doctor because it’s a medical issue. Some of us should talk to a pastor because it’s a spiritual burden.

Bottom line: Be open to the reality that help won’t always look the same for each person.

3. Accept help.

I remember at our wedding rehearsal, I was struggling.  I was emotional, exhausted, excited, and stressed. So guess what happened? Yes… tears started cascading down. Looking back, maybe I should have reminded myself that we picked really good cookware! J

Aaron stepped in and took over. He directed the rehearsal; he told the group to ask him or my mom questions but to leave me alone. He and my mother salvaged and directed the next couple of hours. 

Now, honestly, part of me was so incredibly thankful. The other part of me was slightly humiliated. Why couldn’t I handle my own wedding rehearsal? How ridiculous must everyone think I am??

But you know what? Aaron wasn’t judging me because I was Niagara Falls. My mom didn’t pull me aside and tell me to pull myself together because I was the bride. Our guests didn’t heckle me as I entered the auditorium. No, instead my fiancé and family helped me in the best possible way- they took the pressure off of me and onto them.  Our friends and extended family either didn’t notice or were kind enough to not tell me they did… the evening continued and was a success.

Sometimes that is exactly what we need: to humble ourselves and accept the help.

There’s no shame in being a human.

We all have our weak moments, so thank the Lord that He gave us friends and loved ones to step in and support us.

I know I’m always grateful when a friend or loved one is honest enough to be transparent and vulnerable with me. Not that I’m glad they’re overwhelmed, but I’m glad they trusted me enough to help them, encourage them, or just listen to them.

Shouldn’t I extend that same trust when I’m the one drowning?

Maybe if I would, that would prevent another break-down… this time in the silverware aisle. 

Mascara Running. Hands Clapping

Earth Shattering.

Heavens Rejoicing.

Galaxies Smiling.

Mascara Running.

Praises Rising.

Hands Clapping.

Glory Shining.

Laughter Ringing.

Music Blaring.

Hugs Tightening.

Hearts Pumping.

Joy Overflowing.

Children Dancing.

Adults Shouting.

Orchestra Performing.

Angels Twirling.

Smiles Beaming.

Light Shining.

This happens when one, just one lost soul is redeemed by the saving grace of Jesus. Tonight we have celebrated 21 lost souls finding salvation through the blood of the Lamb!

O Glorious Day.

O Glorious Week.

O Glorious Savior.

*If you ever have questions, please comment or message me. I would love to share with you this life-changing, forever gaining, glorious beautiful Love that has saved my soul.  It's so simple. It's so loving. It's so grace.