7 Thoughts of a Woman During a Marital Fight

Sometimes you fight in marriage {or life}.  There are some things that you just never ever think, say, or do in the heat of the battle- despite what romantic comedies, Pinterest, or any other romantic notion you had as a 17-year-old girl tells you. BUT there are also things that you typically always think, say, or do in the midst of the battle.

For women, those two extreme reactions often happen back to back.  In the same fight.

So to close out the Love Month, here’s a chronologically- ordered tribute to fighting with your spouse.

1. Do NOT even THINK about kissing me right now.

All those scenes in movies where a couple decides to forget everything they are intensely arguing about and suddenly start showing copious amounts of affection is FALSE.  I’m pretty sure I’ve literally thought: “I would be so mad if he tried to kiss me right now. Clearly the screen writers of those scenes have NEVER been in a serious relationship.”

3.7 seconds later…

2. All I want is a HUG right now. Why won’t he just hug me?

Forget about the fact that my previous point was do not even think about kissing me- I don’t understand why it’s so confusing that sometimes I just need a hug? Clearly the look on my face is screaming “I need physical touch- but only in this very specific and exact way!”

4.2 seconds later…

3.  How can he joke at a time like this? Does he not know we are in the middle of a FIGHT?

There is absolutely nothing funny enough to deserve a smile right now, much less a laugh. I guess that shows how trivial this is to him.  So now we’re just fighting for laughs…. I see how it is. ….  Actually… what are we fighting about again? Shoot. I can’t let him know that I forgot why I’m mad.

2.6 seconds later…

4. Why won’t he laugh at my joke? Does he not know that I’m trying to lighten the mood?

Goodness, he’s certainly in a very dark place right now. He can’t even smile.  I guess me poking fun wasn’t what he wanted to hear {never mind it was at him}.  Last time we fought, he said he tries to make jokes to lighten the mood. But when I do it, it just worsens the mood.  He needs to make up his mind!

7.9 seconds later….

5. I just want him to understand what I’m really saying.

Let’s be real, if he actually understood me, he would agree with me. How can you hear my arguments and not see the validity in my points? He clearly isn’t listening.  Maybe I should repeat myself again- to the 10^th power.

Literally 1 second later…

6. Is he pacifying me?
I don’t want him to just agree with me! Why won’t he tell me what he’s really thinking? He knows he can disagree with me and that I value his opinion.

And then to finish the fight…

7. Why doesn’t he apologize? I just said nothing was wrong!!!

I really don’t understand why men think women are that complicated… 

Tuesday Catch-up! Phases

Since this is Valentine’s week, I feel like succumbing to the obligatory blog post about Valentine’s Day.  As I began thinking about Friday, I began reminiscing about the Valentines’ of old… and the many many many years I lived Valentine’s Day as a single woman.

So today, I bring you the “Single’s Phases of V-day”.  For those of you who have always had a boyfriend, fiancé, or husband, this will probably be incomprehensible. But for the single girls who are survivors of the Love Month- this might sound familiar.

 

Phases of Valentine’s Day

1. Girlfriend night!!!

This is the common phase for girls who are recently single or who are still young in their singleness.

Conversations like these ensue: Let’s dress up and go celebrate! We don’t need guys! Boys are so overrated! Boys will come and go but girlfriends will last forever!... that is until one of us gets a boyfriend! Etc…etc…Blah…blah…blah…blah…

 

Then comes the next phase: This usually happens once you’ve celebrated Girlfriend Night a couple of times…

2. Girlfriend night: With the hope of a meeting a boyfriend night!!!

Not one girl in the group will admit to it, but every girl thinks the same thing.

“Maybe if we go to a Sports Grill, we’ll meet a group of godly Christian guys who are out looking for godly girls!... It is Valentine’s after all… surely single guys are looking for love too! Besides that would be the cutest love story ever- we meet and fall-in-love at first sight on Valentine’s!!!” And so all the girls agree to go to a Sports Grill because it’s “different and fun”, all the while each trying to figure out she would be able to break away from the group if that boy Will (God’s Will of course…) at table 7 smiles her way.

 

Then comes the phases that smaller groups of the girlfriends get too. (Because let’s be real, many of them are dating or married off by now…)

3.  Girlfriend binge-eating and chick-flick night!

I’m sick of going out on the town and broadcasting that I’m single and pretending that I don’t care that I’m single. So this year, I’m inviting Mary Jane over and we are going to watch romantic comedies, eat cookie dough, and talk about every single guy in our lives (yes, every single guy… from the guy that we pass in the hallways and have never spoken with, to the guy that we have worked with for 2 years and have yet to figure out if he showers…) and whether we would date them!

 

But then sometimes, even chick flicks and best friends just seem impossible to handle and you find yourself admitting that you’re going to give in to the 4^th stage…

4. Night of mourning

This happens when you realize that you are the last one of your friends to be in a relationship while simultaneously realizing that there is absolutely no guy in your life that is single so that you can even pretend to wonder if he likes you.

Valentine’s Day is a reminder that the rest of the world is happy while you are sitting alone. In your pj’s. Watching Full House re-runs. Folding your clothes so that you weren’t lying when you told your best friend that “I just have a lot of things to do tonight.” All the while wondering why you used to think cats were such a bad idea.

 

 

And last but not least….

5.  I’m single….

At this point, you have accepted your status on Facebook has been single and will probably remain single for a while. You have come to terms with the fact that Valentine’s Day will come every year and you will survive. You’re not being anti-social, nor are you being Scrooge, but you are completely content to spend February 14^th like you would February 13^th or February 15^th. You don’t have to dress up and go out with girlfriends and be in denial over what day it is.  You remind yourself that you will wake up tomorrow and keep doing what you do…. all the knowing in the back of your head that one day, your February 14^th will be spent with a person and not a chick-flick.

 

Maybe I’m the only girl out there who went through those, and if so… well… pretend you didn’t read any of the above words.

Now that I’m married, I am actually finding it helpful to remember the loneliness February 14^th inspired for so many years, because it truly is a wonderful reminder of so many things...

For singles, hang in there. It’s tough but completely worth waiting for the right person. Whatever phase you might be in- it is ok. Don’t give up just yet…. It’s my 29^th Valentine’s Day but my first one married.

For marrieds, think back to the reasons why you got married to that special person.

Celebrate those reasons this week- in your own way and in your own personality, let the people in your life know they are loved.…

Regardless of whether they return the sentiments, regardless of whether you want to, regardless of whether you find V-day cheesy and superficial, your love and appreciation of your spouses or families this week doesn’t have to be.  

Married or single, happy or sad, February 14^th will only come once this year.

Why not make the best of it?