Future Days. Past Memories.

Future Days. Past Memories.

Check out the loads of awesomeness taking place in the Brown home in the upcoming days:

•  Aaron’s first production of the new school year opens tonight!!!!  Into the Woods starts at 7:30 and I’m SO excited about it. Come out this weekend or next to Dawson High!

• My 30^th birthday is Saturday! Wait, what? My 30^th birthday?!?!?! How did I get to this point? How am I more than TWICE the age of some most of the girls in my youth ministry?!?!?! Let’s move on.

• We go to Disney World on Sunday.  The last time I was there was when I was a baby. I have no memories of it. So excitement is OFF THE CHARTS.

• Our 1 year anniversary is a week from Sunday!!!!  Seriously. 1 year.  How did that happen?

How great is the next 14 days, right?!?!

As I was looking at our calendar last night and this morning, I started getting excited and sentimental all at the same time.  This past year, these past 10 years, really, have been an eclectic set of experiences and life changes, and yet, on the eve of a new decade (Ugh. Agh.) I can see God’s hand was directing the moves, the lonely nights, the hard conversations, the “random” jobs… the life that I have lived thus far.

So, as a new chapter in my life starts, I decided to write down the lessons that if I could, I would tell the younger me, the me that 15 years ago, couldn’t wait to get started with living her great big adventurous life.

Boys won’t call for a while. Get used to it.
Marriage won’t happen for what feels like eternity.  Endure the lonely.

I was a “late bloomer”, an “intimidating college student”, a “strong young woman”… whatever phrase you want to use that means “She won’t be asked on dates much.” There were nights that was really hard to deal with. And nights that was extremely hard to deal with. And a few nights that was relatively easy to deal with.

And yet, if I could change all that and be Miss Popular, the Homecoming Queen, or even just simply a girlfriend several times, I wouldn’t.  Looking back, I’m so glad God gave me the dating life He did and the strength that I needed to endure.  I’m thankful I didn’t date much, and I’m even more thankful I was able to keep the standards high for what felt like y-e-a-r-s of my life. Oh wait. It was years of my life. My husband was and is worth every teardrop that was shed. Every lonely Friday night. Every “missed opportunity”.  Every part of the wait.

So girls- since I can’t tell “young me”, let me encourage you- don’t give up in the waiting.

Just because you’re not the girl who wins “most dateable” doesn’t mean you are the girl who is “least desirable.”

Your wait will be worth it as well. I promise you. And looking back, I can now appreciate all the heartache that I didn’t have to experience because I didn’t date much. I’m so thankful for that.

Don’t drop one of your standards each year as a birthday present to yourself each year you’re single on your birthday.  Before you know it you’ll be down to “Breathing” and “Under 50”.  The good news is that you will find dates that meet those standards, but the reality is that you will also find a heart full of regret.

You won’t be a millionaire by the time you’re 25.  In fact, you’ll still be paying student loans off. And your car off. And your textbooks off. And your shopping decisions like you absolutely had to have all 17 pairs of shoes with matching shirts today.

People who become CEO’s, CFO’S, COO’s, and everyone other acronym with a “C” and an “O” in it by the time they are 30 are the MAJOR EXCEPTIONS and not the rule.  Set realistic standards for yourself.  You are NOT a failure when you turn 25 because you are still making under $40,000, or you still haven’t ended world hunger, or you still haven’t hit 1,000,000 followers on twitter.   

BUT at the same time- get off your rear and do something. Working a part-time job for 6 hours in a work-week, and watching Full House re-runs for the other 34 hours that you should be working, job-searching, or doing something productive with your time, is not an acceptable way of life for a normal healthy 25 year-old.  I get it, the job market is difficult.  So find a productive hobby, volunteer at your favorite organization, help serve in your church, or train for an Ironman!

Don’t give up on your dreams- be patient with them.

A sweet and dear friend sent me a text this morning reminding me that two of my heroes, Joseph and David from the Old Testament were both around 30 before their “careers” began. Joseph goes from being a slave to being the 2^nd in command in Egypt- a world superpower at the time. David goes from being a shepherd to the King of Israel and “God’s Man”. I think it’s safe to say that God can still use me.  If that wasn’t enough, Jesus Christ, my Savior, didn’t start HIS ministry until around the age of 30 as well.

So my young friends- frustrated with where you are in life? Been there. Not knowing why doors aren’t opening yet? I understand. Begging God to let you pursue the passion He’s put on your heart? Did that.

And you know what? One day, the door will open. The life circumstance will swirl upside down. The passion will become a possibility. Patience is not easy, but it’s needed.

Last, marriage will far exceed some of your hopes and greatly miss some of your dreams.

This pin on Pinterest makes me laugh.

First of all- what grown man likes a sleep over? Go ahead and ask your husband-to-be “Babe, do you want to stay up late, paint my fingernails, talk about chick flicks, and eat cookie dough?... Every single night for the rest of our lives???”

I can already tell you his answer will be: No. Absolutely not. Ha! Hahahahahahaha!

Or something along those lines.

Girls, be honest with yourselves, if that’s your ideal of marriage, you are in for a massive shock. At one point in my life, that’s where I was at. Thank God that He didn’t let me get married at that moment…. Aaron would have been sleep-deprived, working a second job at a nail salon, and 50 pounds heavier from cookie dough.

Here’s the truth: Aaron doesn’t gaze into my eyes every night and quote poetry to me. He doesn’t place my hands over his heart and tenderly tell me all the ways that his heart beats faster at the sight of me every night when he comes home. We don’t live in a romantic drama. We live in reality.  Every successful marriage does.

If your dreams of marriage are based on books and movies, I beg you to go have some serious conversations with women who have been married longer than 3 months. They will tell you that marriage rarely looks like what you are dreaming, but marriage can be far greater than what you imagine.

When two Christians are married and committed to God and His version of marriage, it requires constant effort but the pay-off is intimacy that a movie can’t capture. Unconditional love that a story can’t summarize. Forgiveness that is supernatural. Revitalized hearts that no one would expect. Commitment that is exceptional. Patience that cannot be explained.

Oh and….  vegetables will never compare to dessert.

No matter how hard you try to convince yourself that you can be happy with celery, carrots, and broccoli- that will always be a lie. Always.

So here’s to the next decade of my life. I’m excited to see what will change and what will stay the same. And what I’ll be able to say in 10 years, Lord-willing, about this last decade.

Oh dear. Now that IS depressing.  I’m off to find chocolate.

Tuesday Catch-up! Phases

Since this is Valentine’s week, I feel like succumbing to the obligatory blog post about Valentine’s Day.  As I began thinking about Friday, I began reminiscing about the Valentines’ of old… and the many many many years I lived Valentine’s Day as a single woman.

So today, I bring you the “Single’s Phases of V-day”.  For those of you who have always had a boyfriend, fiancé, or husband, this will probably be incomprehensible. But for the single girls who are survivors of the Love Month- this might sound familiar.

 

Phases of Valentine’s Day

1. Girlfriend night!!!

This is the common phase for girls who are recently single or who are still young in their singleness.

Conversations like these ensue: Let’s dress up and go celebrate! We don’t need guys! Boys are so overrated! Boys will come and go but girlfriends will last forever!... that is until one of us gets a boyfriend! Etc…etc…Blah…blah…blah…blah…

 

Then comes the next phase: This usually happens once you’ve celebrated Girlfriend Night a couple of times…

2. Girlfriend night: With the hope of a meeting a boyfriend night!!!

Not one girl in the group will admit to it, but every girl thinks the same thing.

“Maybe if we go to a Sports Grill, we’ll meet a group of godly Christian guys who are out looking for godly girls!... It is Valentine’s after all… surely single guys are looking for love too! Besides that would be the cutest love story ever- we meet and fall-in-love at first sight on Valentine’s!!!” And so all the girls agree to go to a Sports Grill because it’s “different and fun”, all the while each trying to figure out she would be able to break away from the group if that boy Will (God’s Will of course…) at table 7 smiles her way.

 

Then comes the phases that smaller groups of the girlfriends get too. (Because let’s be real, many of them are dating or married off by now…)

3.  Girlfriend binge-eating and chick-flick night!

I’m sick of going out on the town and broadcasting that I’m single and pretending that I don’t care that I’m single. So this year, I’m inviting Mary Jane over and we are going to watch romantic comedies, eat cookie dough, and talk about every single guy in our lives (yes, every single guy… from the guy that we pass in the hallways and have never spoken with, to the guy that we have worked with for 2 years and have yet to figure out if he showers…) and whether we would date them!

 

But then sometimes, even chick flicks and best friends just seem impossible to handle and you find yourself admitting that you’re going to give in to the 4^th stage…

4. Night of mourning

This happens when you realize that you are the last one of your friends to be in a relationship while simultaneously realizing that there is absolutely no guy in your life that is single so that you can even pretend to wonder if he likes you.

Valentine’s Day is a reminder that the rest of the world is happy while you are sitting alone. In your pj’s. Watching Full House re-runs. Folding your clothes so that you weren’t lying when you told your best friend that “I just have a lot of things to do tonight.” All the while wondering why you used to think cats were such a bad idea.

 

 

And last but not least….

5.  I’m single….

At this point, you have accepted your status on Facebook has been single and will probably remain single for a while. You have come to terms with the fact that Valentine’s Day will come every year and you will survive. You’re not being anti-social, nor are you being Scrooge, but you are completely content to spend February 14^th like you would February 13^th or February 15^th. You don’t have to dress up and go out with girlfriends and be in denial over what day it is.  You remind yourself that you will wake up tomorrow and keep doing what you do…. all the knowing in the back of your head that one day, your February 14^th will be spent with a person and not a chick-flick.

 

Maybe I’m the only girl out there who went through those, and if so… well… pretend you didn’t read any of the above words.

Now that I’m married, I am actually finding it helpful to remember the loneliness February 14^th inspired for so many years, because it truly is a wonderful reminder of so many things...

For singles, hang in there. It’s tough but completely worth waiting for the right person. Whatever phase you might be in- it is ok. Don’t give up just yet…. It’s my 29^th Valentine’s Day but my first one married.

For marrieds, think back to the reasons why you got married to that special person.

Celebrate those reasons this week- in your own way and in your own personality, let the people in your life know they are loved.…

Regardless of whether they return the sentiments, regardless of whether you want to, regardless of whether you find V-day cheesy and superficial, your love and appreciation of your spouses or families this week doesn’t have to be.  

Married or single, happy or sad, February 14^th will only come once this year.

Why not make the best of it?

 

Monday’s Musings: Cinderella and Dating

I grew up watching Disney Princesses like most of the American girl population. And I fell in love with the stories like every other girl. For various (random!) reasons, Disney Princesses have been on my mind.

While thinking about Disney in the background, I’ve also been having conversations with junior high and high school girls the past couple of weeks (well, years actually) about boys and dating… and my brain started combining the two.

So, here are 5 Dating tips from Cinderella…. Sorry, no, there’s no reason to talk or sing to birds on the list. They actually don’t talk back… disheartening, I know.

 1.  Take the risk- even if you’re alone.

Let’s think about this- Cinderella had been a servant girl all of her adult life, she had no clue how to act at a ball, let alone dance. But- when the opportunity, risk was presented, she gathered the courage and went. Alone. Without a date. She was willing to dance alone.

Don’t sit on the sidelines of your life waiting for a prince before you will take a risk.  God has told you, “I will never leave you; I will never forsake you.” You have your ultimate protector with you. Take the risk. Go to the dance. Move away to college. Accept the surprise job offer. Pursue your dream career. Follow God’s leading and walk in faith with Emmanuel, “God with us…. God with you.” He’s with you. The risk is when you don’t follow Him.

 2. Follow the rules- the clock will strike 12!

We all know the story- Cinderella was changed back to servant girl rags when the clock struck 12. So, Cinderella stuck to the agreement and left the ball when she was supposed to…. now granted she had incentive, what girl wants to be at a gorgeous ball and suddenly be in an old raggedy out of style dress? However, it still took incredible self-discipline. She was in a killer ball gown, she was in a castle, and she was dancing with the Prince!! Yet, she left. When she was supposed to leave.

She decided to abide by the rules before she ever even went to the party. Because she held true to her decision, we have the story of Cinderella.  The Prince, although initially confused, also clearly knew he was dealing with a girl that held to her commitments. He respected her for that. He pursued her in fact.

 Self-discipline is extremely difficult but extremely necessary for a godly relationship. It takes self-discipline to honor commitments when a seemingly better offer comes along, and it takes self-discipline to stay pure.

But the decision must be made before you get to the “ball”. Make the decision before you start dating the boy. Make the decision before you get invited to the party. Make the decision before you ________.  What decision? The decision to have self- discipline. To follow the rules. To obey your parents. To obey God.

Let your decisions cause your prince, your date, and your friends to respect you. Hold to your commitments.

 3. He pursued. She waited.

When Cinderella left the ball, she went home. And the next day, she did not run straight back to the castle yelling “Yo Prince! Over here! It’s me! I’m the girl you danced with last night! When’s our next ball???”

She went home and waited. She let him pursue. It probably took him longer than she would have liked. I’m sure her mind was not on the floor she scrubbed the next morning. I’m guessing it was somewhere back at the castle. But she let him take the lead, and did he ever!

One of the sweetest things my husband ever did for me while we dated was how he pursued me. I never had to take the lead. He was already one step ahead. Girls, you deserve to be pursued. Wait for the man who does. Cinderella and I promise it’s worth it.

4. Serve. With a smile.

 Why? Because you never know who will walk in and propose in the process!!! The prince found Cinderella in her home. Granted she was locked away in the tower, but she was back in her servant rags. And she had gotten up that morning and served.

Godly men will admire you for your service. This is not saying serve at your church or school to get a guy- (remember, motives are as important as actions!!) But… it is important to serve, and sometimes, just sometimes, the blessing will come during the moment of service.

My best friend in high school served faithfully in her church’s children’s ministry during high school and college. She met her now husband at church. If you were to ask him what first drew him to her? He would say: “Her service. I knew she was a godly woman by how she served.”

Always be willing to serve.

5. Have standards- not specifics.

When Cinderella went to the Prince’s Ball, she certainly didn’t know she was going to end up marrying the Prince! What a dream come true! But what if the story ended with Cinderella turning Prince Charming down because he wasn’t tall enough. Or he didn’t have the right hair color. Or maybe she didn’t want to marry a guy who was royalty. Maybe she preferred a country boy. Or a musician. Or maybe an inventor.

How crazy does that sound? The idea that Cinderella would turn down a prince because she wanted a lumberjack instead?!?!

Yet, I see girls do it every single week. We refuse a date with a godly, awesome guy simply because he doesn’t fit our specifics. He fits our standards perfectly, but not our specifics.

What’s the difference?

Standards are character qualities such as: giving, loving, kind-hearted, slow to anger, funny, respectful, etc.

Specifics are: Musician, blonde hair, 6 feet 2 inches, 152 freckles, size 11 feet, ability to ride a horse, Policeman, etc…

Girls, let’s be honest, we like to exchange the two. We put our specifics as our standards…. And in the process turn down a potential Prince Charming.

 

Make sure the standards are not your specifics. Because when the real standards line up, you don’t have to worry about specifics. Your Prince Charming will be there. And he will sweep you off your feet.