Lies

***Today’s blog topic is a sensitive issue and should be read with awareness that this is not suitable for children, but extremely relevant for teenage girls and their mothers.***

I have recently been inundated with accounts of girls hurting themselves or girls sharing inappropriate photos.  And although at initial glance, those two habits are not similar, I tend to think the root cause is.  The need to feel something- whether it is physical pain or physically beautiful- is a powerful force for women. And that force that drives for significance compels young women to take action… they are desperately seeking to be found noteworthy, yet these methods fail to provide it for more than moments at a time.

As I heard yet two more stories today, I started researching statistics of how many of our young girls in this country are actively taking or sharing inappropriate pictures of their bodies, and the girls who are hurting themselves in order to deal with the pain that others have caused... It’s anywhere from 1 in 5 girls, to 1 in 12 girls*.  Tragically, in my experience, it’s closer to the 1 in 5 than the 1 in 12 that those percentages translate into.

How I wish I could sit down with each young woman, yet the need is bigger than I am.  So, I pray that these words will reach some of the hurting girls who can then reach their friends.

Young sisters…..

Hollywood has lied to you.

Nude or semi-nude photos of yourself do not prove your desirability; your femininity; your attractiveness; nor your worth as a girlfriend or a girl.

I get it- the contradiction of hearing that beauty is from your inner self but seeing almost every major star willing to show much of what she has with her “outer self.”  It’s confusing, overwhelming, and difficult. Who doesn’t want to be considered beautiful and desirable? We all do, and that desire isn’t wrong.  It’s the actions we take to fulfill that desire by our own hand that is the problem.

Snapchat, Instagram, Facebook, and every other social media site have lied to you.

“Privacy” is a foreign word to the internet. “Deleted” is not possible. Once something has been posted, sent, or shared, it will forever be in the archives of the internet. Maybe not accessible to you, but accessible to someone. And most likely someone with very little to no respect who “you” are.

Peers. Boyfriends. Girlfriends. Instagram Followers have lied to you.

You do not have to share with the world what God intended for you to share with your spouse. Your body does not need the “like” of a boyfriend/girlfriend or random follower to be considered beautiful. Your husband will be enthralled with you and you will be with him. The mystery going into marriage is worth the privacy before marriage.

To quote an awesome movie, Cool Runnings “A gold medal is a wonderful thing, but if you’re not enough without it, then you’ll never be enough with it.”

Girls- the same is true of you. 

You and your body are a wonderful thing, but if you’re not enough without a boy’s affirmation, then you’ll never be enough with it. You will keep searching for that significance without reward.  That need for ultimate significance and sense of beauty comes from God. The One who made you, designed you, dreamed of you, listens to you, and holds you is the only One who will forever and always tell you that you are beautiful; you are enough.  In fact...you are worth taking pictures with clothes on.

 

Your heart and/or mind have lied to you.

When the doubts flood and the self-loathing consumes your heart and your mind, know that you are not listening to the truth. Reality often whispers- so listen closely.... but the truth is that “You are more than the choices that you've made, You are more than the sum of your past mistakes, You are more than the problems you create, You've been remade. “ (Tenth Avenue North)

The truth is…

• Your nude body is beautiful but not for public viewing.
• Your husband will appreciate your perseverance in standards.
• Cutting yourself does not bring emotional healing. It actually deepens it.
• Your jeans’ size is not the determining factor of your worth.
• You wouldn’t let your friend burn themselves, so why do you?
• Your boyfriend asking for picture shows who he is- not who you need to be.
• Your pain is real. Your need is authentic.
• Talking to someone will bring healing. 
• Cutting yourself will not... And you know it.

You can start fresh. 

Forgiveness is real. Clean slates are a reality.

And to the mothers, as hard as it is, try 

to understand that your daughter might be struggling with one or both of these. And if not her, one of her friends most certainly is.  As difficult as it is to fathom, the struggles are real. They don’t mean that she is un-loveable or beyond help. Your daughters’ world is far different than your own. Better in some ways, worse in others. Just as you didn’t choose the temptations that were prevalent when you were a teenager, she hasn’t chosen the temptations that are prevalent for her.  She may have made mistakes, but she needs you more than ever.

Love her. Hurt with her. Help her. Discipline her.
But please don’t forsake, abandon, or condemn her.

Girls- we all need grace, and we all need help. You're not alone in the struggle.

*http://www.covenanteyes.com/2012/01/10/sexting-statistics-what-do-the-surveys-say/

**http://abcnews.go.com/Health/MindMoodNews/12-teens-cut-harm-themsleves/story?id=14969232