Future Days. Past Memories.

Future Days. Past Memories.

Check out the loads of awesomeness taking place in the Brown home in the upcoming days:

•  Aaron’s first production of the new school year opens tonight!!!!  Into the Woods starts at 7:30 and I’m SO excited about it. Come out this weekend or next to Dawson High!

• My 30^th birthday is Saturday! Wait, what? My 30^th birthday?!?!?! How did I get to this point? How am I more than TWICE the age of some most of the girls in my youth ministry?!?!?! Let’s move on.

• We go to Disney World on Sunday.  The last time I was there was when I was a baby. I have no memories of it. So excitement is OFF THE CHARTS.

• Our 1 year anniversary is a week from Sunday!!!!  Seriously. 1 year.  How did that happen?

How great is the next 14 days, right?!?!

As I was looking at our calendar last night and this morning, I started getting excited and sentimental all at the same time.  This past year, these past 10 years, really, have been an eclectic set of experiences and life changes, and yet, on the eve of a new decade (Ugh. Agh.) I can see God’s hand was directing the moves, the lonely nights, the hard conversations, the “random” jobs… the life that I have lived thus far.

So, as a new chapter in my life starts, I decided to write down the lessons that if I could, I would tell the younger me, the me that 15 years ago, couldn’t wait to get started with living her great big adventurous life.

Boys won’t call for a while. Get used to it.
Marriage won’t happen for what feels like eternity.  Endure the lonely.

I was a “late bloomer”, an “intimidating college student”, a “strong young woman”… whatever phrase you want to use that means “She won’t be asked on dates much.” There were nights that was really hard to deal with. And nights that was extremely hard to deal with. And a few nights that was relatively easy to deal with.

And yet, if I could change all that and be Miss Popular, the Homecoming Queen, or even just simply a girlfriend several times, I wouldn’t.  Looking back, I’m so glad God gave me the dating life He did and the strength that I needed to endure.  I’m thankful I didn’t date much, and I’m even more thankful I was able to keep the standards high for what felt like y-e-a-r-s of my life. Oh wait. It was years of my life. My husband was and is worth every teardrop that was shed. Every lonely Friday night. Every “missed opportunity”.  Every part of the wait.

So girls- since I can’t tell “young me”, let me encourage you- don’t give up in the waiting.

Just because you’re not the girl who wins “most dateable” doesn’t mean you are the girl who is “least desirable.”

Your wait will be worth it as well. I promise you. And looking back, I can now appreciate all the heartache that I didn’t have to experience because I didn’t date much. I’m so thankful for that.

Don’t drop one of your standards each year as a birthday present to yourself each year you’re single on your birthday.  Before you know it you’ll be down to “Breathing” and “Under 50”.  The good news is that you will find dates that meet those standards, but the reality is that you will also find a heart full of regret.

You won’t be a millionaire by the time you’re 25.  In fact, you’ll still be paying student loans off. And your car off. And your textbooks off. And your shopping decisions like you absolutely had to have all 17 pairs of shoes with matching shirts today.

People who become CEO’s, CFO’S, COO’s, and everyone other acronym with a “C” and an “O” in it by the time they are 30 are the MAJOR EXCEPTIONS and not the rule.  Set realistic standards for yourself.  You are NOT a failure when you turn 25 because you are still making under $40,000, or you still haven’t ended world hunger, or you still haven’t hit 1,000,000 followers on twitter.   

BUT at the same time- get off your rear and do something. Working a part-time job for 6 hours in a work-week, and watching Full House re-runs for the other 34 hours that you should be working, job-searching, or doing something productive with your time, is not an acceptable way of life for a normal healthy 25 year-old.  I get it, the job market is difficult.  So find a productive hobby, volunteer at your favorite organization, help serve in your church, or train for an Ironman!

Don’t give up on your dreams- be patient with them.

A sweet and dear friend sent me a text this morning reminding me that two of my heroes, Joseph and David from the Old Testament were both around 30 before their “careers” began. Joseph goes from being a slave to being the 2^nd in command in Egypt- a world superpower at the time. David goes from being a shepherd to the King of Israel and “God’s Man”. I think it’s safe to say that God can still use me.  If that wasn’t enough, Jesus Christ, my Savior, didn’t start HIS ministry until around the age of 30 as well.

So my young friends- frustrated with where you are in life? Been there. Not knowing why doors aren’t opening yet? I understand. Begging God to let you pursue the passion He’s put on your heart? Did that.

And you know what? One day, the door will open. The life circumstance will swirl upside down. The passion will become a possibility. Patience is not easy, but it’s needed.

Last, marriage will far exceed some of your hopes and greatly miss some of your dreams.

This pin on Pinterest makes me laugh.

First of all- what grown man likes a sleep over? Go ahead and ask your husband-to-be “Babe, do you want to stay up late, paint my fingernails, talk about chick flicks, and eat cookie dough?... Every single night for the rest of our lives???”

I can already tell you his answer will be: No. Absolutely not. Ha! Hahahahahahaha!

Or something along those lines.

Girls, be honest with yourselves, if that’s your ideal of marriage, you are in for a massive shock. At one point in my life, that’s where I was at. Thank God that He didn’t let me get married at that moment…. Aaron would have been sleep-deprived, working a second job at a nail salon, and 50 pounds heavier from cookie dough.

Here’s the truth: Aaron doesn’t gaze into my eyes every night and quote poetry to me. He doesn’t place my hands over his heart and tenderly tell me all the ways that his heart beats faster at the sight of me every night when he comes home. We don’t live in a romantic drama. We live in reality.  Every successful marriage does.

If your dreams of marriage are based on books and movies, I beg you to go have some serious conversations with women who have been married longer than 3 months. They will tell you that marriage rarely looks like what you are dreaming, but marriage can be far greater than what you imagine.

When two Christians are married and committed to God and His version of marriage, it requires constant effort but the pay-off is intimacy that a movie can’t capture. Unconditional love that a story can’t summarize. Forgiveness that is supernatural. Revitalized hearts that no one would expect. Commitment that is exceptional. Patience that cannot be explained.

Oh and….  vegetables will never compare to dessert.

No matter how hard you try to convince yourself that you can be happy with celery, carrots, and broccoli- that will always be a lie. Always.

So here’s to the next decade of my life. I’m excited to see what will change and what will stay the same. And what I’ll be able to say in 10 years, Lord-willing, about this last decade.

Oh dear. Now that IS depressing.  I’m off to find chocolate.

Oreo's Life Lessons

As I mentioned last week, Aaron and I are now puppy parents.  Awesome.

Let’s just say we have our good days and our not so good days...  

Oreo (our Maltipoo puppy- a Maltese and poodle mix) is proving to be very intelligent and also pretty strong-willed, which happens to be an awesome combination for her… and a difficult combination for her never-before-puppy-owner-parents.  In the game of Oreo’s life, the score stands Oreo: 142 the Browns: 2.

So this week, allow me to remind you why you should never get a puppy. Regardless of how ridiculously cute and cuddly they might appear.  It’s just an act.

T-R-U-S-T me.

Oreo’s life lessons:

1. Cute things aren’t always cute.

When we looked at Oreo and her brother, we were trying to decide which puppy to take home. Her brother was super cute too, but even more rambunctious than our “sweet lil’ Oreo”. {Insert Sarcasm}  Actually the couple who owned them advised us to take Oreo because she was such a chill dog. He told us that she was the calmest easiest dog out of the litter. Winner!!!! It was an easy choice once we found that out. She was the perfect puppy!!!

And all that is true. Except it’s not. Yes, there are periods where Oreo minds her own business and plays by herself, but then there’s the other 95% of the time that she is literally fastening herself to our feet as we walk (she gets on the top of our feet and holds on as we walk); refusing to walk on a leash, requiring us to drag her little bottom across concrete until she decides to feel like walking; picking up her water bowl and purposefully tipping it over so she can watch us mop it up…etc…

All true my friends. All true.

So the life lesson that I have concluded is that cute things aren’t cute.  What?  Well, on the outside Oreo is adorable, fluffy, soft, and precious. On the inside she is mischievous, conniving, and manipulative.

In life- if it looks or sounds too good to be true, it is.   Do your background checks. Hire the private investigator. Don’t believe the smooth-talking attractive boy who’s had 14 girlfriends in 2 months but tells you that you are different.

Always remember- cute things aren’t always cute.

2. Causing dissension is way easier than bringing harmony.

Everyone seems to believe the notion that puppy training is a predecessor to infant training. So many people said “Oh you got a puppy?!?! So you’re going to have a baby then?!”

“What?!? Nooo!!!! We just got a puppy. We’re not in the market for a little human.”

 It felt like in our arena of life, friends and family filled the stadium to watch how Aaron and I would handle Oreo. And, now, after having her for almost a month, I must admit I see why they wanted front-row seats.

To a certain level, like an infant, Oreo requires nourishment, constant monitoring, repeated and consistent discipline, and a somewhat stable routine. Aaron and I now  have regular conversations about who will do what, and which one of us will handle which part of her regimen. Along the way we discovered a shocking revelation. We don’t always agree with the best way to handle Oreo. Whoa. I know. That’s a twist you didn’t see coming.

There have been more than one occasion that Oreo has chewed a wall (I only wish I was kidding), nibbled on a vacuum extension tube, decided to taste her “off-limits white rug”, pooped on a kitchen rug, pottied on the hardwood floor, body-slammed her cage door, or sprinted in circles around us when we wanted to catch her… Sometimes, I start to handle the sheer chaos one way and Aaron handles it another. We then begin arguing with each other- all the while, the mischievous, 3 pound black runt who is completely to blame, looks up with her head cocked, and I swear a grin on her face as she watches us fight it out.

She doesn’t wear that same grin when she watches us sitting together without her on the couch, or observing us enjoy our dinner without her.

And I realized, she is blatantly acting out what many of us wish we could do, or go ahead and do in more subtle ways.  It’s easier and sometimes even more fun when we cause conflict in our homes, our friend groups, our classes. Why? What in the world makes me say that?

Well, let’s start with this. Oreo likes to push the boundaries at times for no other reason to see what our response will be.  Which makes me wonder- who do I do that too? Who do I test for no other reason to push their button? In what areas am I behaving just like my puppy??

Or maybe, when we, like Oreo, cause a ruckus, we enjoy knowing we created the stir.  Or maybe there’s a bit of relief knowing that you distracted your teacher from the real issue at hand. Or maybe causing your parents to pick at each other keeps them from picking at you. Or perhaps when you’re getting in trouble, you’re at least getting attention, which is something that you never seem to get any other time.

It’s easier to do something that causes conflict than to work for something that brings harmony. And sometimes when we’re truly honest, we admit that we would rather have the dissension than harmony.

3. Walking away from something you care about is easier than you think.

Case in point, when Oreo gets sick of us (a giant whopping 5% of the time), she leaves us. Without looking back. It still surprises us a little every time she does it. She’s having a great time, playing tug-of-war, fetch, or “jump-all-over-Aaron” until she’s done. Then she’s over it.

For some of us, this doesn’t seem like a magical gift. For others it is. In our minds we are screaming- if only I could walk away???!!!!! How many times have you kept dating the wrong guy, because you just couldn’t break away? How many times have we gotten in trouble because of our poor friend choices because we couldn’t make the separation? How many times have we over-eaten the cookies because saying no is impossible in that moment?

Ladies, let’s take a lesson from the puppy. Walk away. Learn to say no when it’s needed. Protect yourself. Protect your heart. Protect your health. Protect your choices. Protect your future. Protect your kids. 

No isn’t always bad. In fact, sometimes, it’s the best, most loving thing we can say or do.

Here’s the thing- Aaron and I aren’t mad at Oreo when she leaves. We don’t hate her. We think it’s pretty awesome actually. At the young age of 3 months, she knows more than I do in my 29 years. She knows when she needs to be done. 

And for you, the people who truly care about you will support your decision to do the same.

 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ok, ok….So, maybe those don’t completely support the argument to save yourself from getting a puppy, and if I’m being completely vulnerable, I’ll admit that I’m pretty attached to Oreo myself. I mean, she is pretty cute, right?!

Give me 5 minutes to when she’s back to eating our wall again- I might change my stance.

Shocked.

I had plans of filling you with hilarious tales of new puppy stories.  Yes, Aaron and I have adopted a puppy.  She’s a Maltipoo (Maltese and poodle mix) that we named Oreo.  She ranges from being the sweetest thing ever to the most mischievous thing ever… all within a 5 second period.

  

So, I’m sorry to say, that today’s blog won’t be about new puppy parenting stories because I’ve been researching and preparing for my first fall Bible study with my SSM girls.  The statistics that I’ve read and stories that I’ve come across have left me shocked, heartbroken, and burdened.  Now that I have a better grasp on what’s going on, I can’t help but share the truth and try to rescue girls from more of the lies of this world.  So today’s blog is dedicated to that purpose. 

Please know that after this sentence, the topic is not suitable for children, and should be read with caution.

So what have I been researching? Sex. And everything that goes with it. 

30% of 9^th grade girls are sexually active.

40% of 10^th grade girls are sexually active.

50% of 11^th grade girls are sexually active.

65% of 12^th grade girls are sexually active.

Would you re-read that? Would you not let that just go in your eyes and out your ears?

Students reading this- think of 10 of your friends….

That means by your senior year, over 6 of them will be having sex. 6 OUT OF 10. 

Moms reading this- think of 10 of your daughters’ friends….

By her senior year, over 6 of them will be having SEX.

So if you’ve been thinking that you are safe or your daughter isn’t active, that might be true… but her circle of friends will not all be above the norm. 6 out of 10 of her peers are most likely living out the OPPOSITE standard of what you are hopefully teaching her about saving herself and her virginity for her future husband.

We have to start realizing how strong this pressure is, and we must start equipping girls with the weapons they need to stand strong in the face of it!  John 8:32 tells us “Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free."  One of the biggest defenses involves learning to distinguish the truth from the lies.

But maybe- before we go any farther- you are part of that statistic. Maybe you are one of those girls who is sexually active in her senior year, junior year, sophomore year, or freshman year.

How I would love to talk with you-

Not to condemn you; not to mock you; not to scorn you; not to berate you.  Simply to talk to you. To share with you a beautiful option for a different and better way to feel loved…. to have fun…. to feel accepted…. to feel desired…. to feel complete…. to feel valued.

With compassion and sincerity, I would explain:

"Sex is not what you are after. Yes, it might make you feel loved; valued; desirable; or independent in certain moments, but after the act is over and the boy has left the bed, can you honestly tell me those feelings stay? Can you look me in the eye and tell me that the emptiness you possibly felt while a virgin has never returned to haunt you?  Was the desperate longing to be accepted, desired, or pursued forever eradicated when you gave up your body?”

And I know without seeing your face, without hearing your voice, without even knowing your identity, that the answer is no. When you are being completely honest… no, sex did not fulfill you like you wanted it to. And neither has the guy that you are involved with.

How do I know?

Because I’ve met an alternative version of you. I’ve cried with another one of you. I’ve counseled an older version of you. I’ve prayed with a younger version of you. 
And each of you have always said in the brutality of an honest moment, the answer is no.

But there is someone who can give you what sex cannot: life-long, passionate, unconditional, unwavering, beautiful, pursuing love.  His name is Jesus and I’ve seen Him take and transform heart-broken lives into overflowing joys.

But you may not want to hear that. Well then let me encourage you from a practical standpoint. There are literally numerous scientific reasons to abstain. Reasons like…

1. HALF, yes 1 out of 2, of ALL girls will have an STI (sexually transmitted infection) by the time they are 25. Did you get that? Either you or your best friend. That kind of half.

2. STI’s are awful. Truly awful. Don’t trust me? I just went through a flip-book of pictures of people with STI’s. I gagged at least 3 times.

3. A female hormone is released after intercourse that causes emotional bonding with the male. A pleasure hormone follows that one to reinforce the attachment.  You are literally bonding with the male you are sexually active with. Do you want to have that level of bond with men before your spouse?

4. Teen pregnancy is completely life-changing.  You cannot even fathom how much a baby will alter your life…. Aaron and I still can't, and we've been married almost a year!! But for you it would all happen before you’re even out of high school.

I could keep going but that is what the Wednesday night Bible study is for. (If you can’t make it, we will be recording it, so you can request a copy of the session.)

There’s also all the stats involving dating abuse, domestic abuse, pornography abuse, or homosexuality which I won’t go into here.  But I’m begging you, if you are involved in anything of the above types, please seek help.  Why? Since none of those are sex- so why are those topics included in the list? Because all of them, every single one, leads to heartbreak, depression, and worse.

There IS hope. There is always grace. There is always redemption. There is always forgiveness with a second, third, fourth, or 1,021 chance.

Girls reading this: Reach out and talk to your parent, counselor, youth pastor, or safe friend. Start to understand that your worth in Jesus’ eyes is priceless. And nothing that you do or don’t do will change his opinion of you.

Moms reading this: Did you know the biggest influence regarding your daughter’s sex life is still you??  Parents are still the largest influence in their teenagers’ purity. Talk to her. More than once. Let her ask questions and do your best to answer them.  But remember that perfect answers are not what will help her most, your conversations and unconditional love is.

Teenage girls and mothers, if you are in the Houston area, come to Sagemont Church at 6pm on Wednesday, August 6^th.  

If we want to be equipped to fight, we must know the truth.