Newlywed Season OVER!

That’s right… our newlywed season is officially in the past! We are 1 day into the “rest of our marriage” which means it’s time for my semi-annual marriage post. Lessons learned from my marriage. #round2 #2ndanniversary

You might remember some previous ones. I’ve heard from quite a few of you that it has forever changed your approach to loading the silverware in the dishwasher.  (Aaron still holds that over my head.) I was also reminded just this weekend how vital it is to never leave hints. Always be blunt. As blunt as possible. Everytime.

As I’ve been reflecting on marriage and the lessons learned now that we’re ending the “newlywed” phase, there are some new lessons that are taking priority right now.

1. Compromise saves marriages... probably even the world #likeforreal

• If you do not want to learn every possible way to roll your eyes at your spouse for breaking into song every 1.5 minutes on a 9 hour road trip, compromise.
• If you want to spend your tax-return money on Coach purses, and he wants to spend it on a 1,000 inch television, compromise.
• If you want to lay in bed and watch hours of movies with his shoulder as your pillow, and his shirt as your Kleenex, compromise.
• If you’re not sure that you want your in-laws to live with you 11.75 months out of the year, compromise.

Are you getting the point?

Compromise is not something I like to do. I like to have my way. All. The. Time. But, I’m learning compromise makes life more enjoyable and less stressful in the long-run.

Here’s some of the areas we’ve learned to compromise in …

Aaron likes to burst into song… loudly (some might even say obnoxiously) So the compromise is that he gets to sing his heart out for one/two/three songs, and then I at some point get to chime in and say “That’s it! Sing it inside!”  Which he then finishes the song in his head, complete with hand motions, choreography, and facial expressions… but no noise.

When I get in the mood to be lazy, he knows I’m going to basically be worthless for a lot of hours. And it’s typically at the same time that he’s in the mood to “be productive”. So, I’m learning to “be productive” for one or two projects…and then go in a different room and be lazy guilt-free, but without him, while he can continue scurrying around accomplishing all sorts of goals and achievements.

Don’t misunderstand me, there are some things to never compromise. Don’t compromise on your values and morals. Compromise on the daily tasks, the quirky habits, the eccentric tendencies that can drive the other person nuts. 

But discuss your values. Talk about your morals.

Compromise on preferences not on sin.

2. Accept the reality that your spouse is not the leading role in a chick-flick. #dropmyexpectations #ain’tnobodyflawless

  ·         Aaron does not read my mind.

  ·         Aaron does not wake up with good breath.

  ·         Aaron does not stare into my eyes for hours on end getting lost in their “unfathomable depths.”

         Who has time for that?!

Similarly…

·         I do not read Aaron’s mind.

·         I do not wake up with good breath. Or good hair.

·        I do not have perfect hair, make-up, & accessories every time we go out

        Who has time for that?!

The truth is it’s easy to convince yourself that “he should know __________ !” when in all reality, unless he’s watch 897 chick-flicks and been able to string together which ones you personally identify, he would have absolutely no idea that when you say you don’t like getting flowers, you mean that 99.8% of the time, but that .2% when you do is for the situation that you are going through RIGHT NOW, which obviously calls for flowers!!!!

My life will never look like a romantic comedy. Some days might slightly echo it. But most days it’s far too “real” for that.  So instead, let me learn to celebrate my man’s strengths and see the godliness reflected in his character. Let me embrace the reality of living forever with someone and all the fights, silliness, scars, ups and downs that come with that.

3. Live by these words: Never get a puppy.  Just Kidding! #notreally #justsayno

Actually…

4. Live by these words… Most important of all, continue to show deep love for each other, for love covers a multitude of sins. {1 Peter 4:8} #onlywaytosurvive #lovecovers

When he’s wronged me. {Love} It covers the sin.

When I’ve wronged him. {Love} It covers the sin.

When we’ve both been wrong. {Love} It covers the sin.

I’m going to be honest. Some days I’m awful at this. I hold onto the sin. I bring up the failure. I carry the grudge.

And all it does is create deeper wounds. Bigger scars. Harsher fights.

But when I allow love to cover the sin- it envelopes the offense so that I can look through a lens of healing instead bitterness.

Yes, there’s still hurt. There’s still a wound. There might even be stitches.

{But it heals.}

 It doesn’t fester. It doesn’t get worse. It doesn’t spread.

{It’s restored.}

To my surprise, I’m realizing that the lessons learned in marriage are actually beneficial to my other relationships. #shocker  This stuff isn’t just for my marriage. It’s for my sister. My brothers. My parents. My friends. My co-workers. My staff.

Am I living and loving well?

1 John 4:19 We love each other because God loved us first.